A High Price, For A Friend
by ShadowOfHapiness
Summary: Covers the events of the first movie. When Bilbo accepts to join Thorin's company, Fili makes it his job to look out for the hobbit, taking drastic measures which end up affecting his own health. Cornered by personal fears and pressure he puts on himself trying to strike up a friendship with Bilbo, Fili is slowly falling. Will our hobbit be able to help him before it's too late?
1. An Unexpected Party

Bilbo sighed. How on earth had things turned out like this? Only this morning he'd been enjoying the nice day and going about his usual routine and now…

When he'd met the odd man earlier, he'd been a little surprised to put it mildly. After all, it wasn't every day that a tall bearded person, with hat and staff came wandering about in the Shire, let alone around where he dwelled. He had barely been able to sit down and manage to pull out his pipe when this old wizard-Gandalf-had talked about _going on an adventure_, and _informing the others_… Needless to say, he'd been quite confused, if not _very_ confused. Hobbits didn't like adventures anyway, it wasn't in their nature, so why did the wizard come to him of all people to talk about it?

The rest of his day had been, thankfully, quite uneventful, meaning he discounted the bothersome Sackville-Bagginses, who kept coming after his house. Despite how many times he must have told them that he cared too much about his dwelling to part from it (and thus to hand it over to them), they seemed insistent that he reconsider his opinion.

All this negotiation business had quite drained the poor hobbit, and when the clock in his hallway stroke dinner time, he'd let out a sigh of relief he hadn't known he'd been keeping. A good meal, with a well-filled plate full of the Shire's best food was always something he could seek comfort in. Eating was a moment when he thought he could escape his problems in, at least for a while. Needless to say, tonight was definitely one of those moments. Taking his mind off wizards and hobbits, he decided he'd enjoy tasting each and every one of the items on his plate.

Bilbo had been about to start his evening meal, and had almost forgotten about the old man and his nonsense about adventures when the first knock came around. Startled, he got up and made way to his hall door. Opening it, the last thing he'd expected to see that night was an imposing dwarf, and he almost fell back himself, not quite believing his tired eyes. The dwarf, however, just strode in and after presenting himself as Dwalin, to put it bluntly, ate his meal for him after inquiring about a "supposed" supper waiting for him. Why was he here in the first place? Bilbo had refrained asking him, fearing what the dwarf would do to him, being quite intimidating and all, when a second knock came to his door. It couldn't just be coincidence, could it?

The second dwarf was much shorter and looked quite old, with his long white beard testifying his years. Balin, he'd introduced himself as, and despite being much less threatening than his younger brother Dwalin, he still didn't manage to ease poor Bilbo's nerves. He tried talking to them both after catching them moving stuff in and out of his kitchen, but wasn't very successful as both brothers went about looking in his cellar and bringing out food. He'd barely been noticed when he heard _an other_ knock at his front door. Of all people, why was this happening to _him_?

Opening again, he tried to suppress a sigh as two more dwarves stood in front of him, much younger than both those already in his house, probably brothers by the look. Before he could say a word however, he was cut off by the blond one's "Fili, and Kili, at your service!" He recomposed himself just in time to try and close the door on both of them, not wanting anything more to do with a bunch of dwarves when the darker haired one-Kili-, managed to twist his words against him and strode in merrily, the younger first, his brother on his tail. Defeated, Bilbo watched as Dwalin clasped Kili's back, inviting him into Bilbo's dining room, offering him a seat and mentioning the need to prepare for the _others_.

_Others_? Didn't Bilbo have enough dwarves in here already? Four dwarves wasn't something a hobbit had every day around for dinner, and he fretted when he remembered that dwarves tended to consume _a lot_. He didn't ponder on his question however as the doorbell rang again, and Bilbo tried stopping this mess when he opened the door once more. This time however, it wasn't just one or two dwarves greeting him. At his feet, eight more lay there, after stumbling though the entrance. And behind them, Bilbo laid eyes on the old wizard, Gandalf. So it had been his plan all along… Reluctantly he let them in, where his "guests" happily reunited with the rest of the company and setting dishes and food all along Bilbo's dining table.

The poor hobbit resigned himself, after all, how bad could a meal with dwarves be?


	2. Of Fathers And Uncles

_A few weeks earlier_

The whole place was buzzing with life. After all, it wasn't every day that parties came by. A name day was always an event to be celebrated, an occasion to throw a great feast. In this case, the great assembling of Dwarves had been for one purpose, to celebrate Kili's name day.

The prince couldn't have wished for better: with a banquet full of the most delicious food, which could easily last a week, people coming from all over just to give him their blessings, and his family all around him, things were perfect. Kili reached his arm on the long table covered with immense amounts of nourishments, settling to pick up a very tempting slice of meat. It looked the most appetizing, with a smell of salt and the dripping grease that had been sizzled not even a few minutes ago, still steaming warm. It tasted even better than it looked, and he made the most of it by adding a few more slices on his plate. After picking up another peace and starting to chew on it, he looked up at the two dwarves in front of him, his father and his uncle.

He'd been so glad that his uncle had managed to make it in time. Thorin, despite not being his father, was almost considered as one by he and his brother. It was always special when his uncle could make a visit to them both, when he would bend to Kili and Fili's begging and tell them all about his journeys to distant kingdoms. Kili had always been fascinated by his uncle's stories and had promised himself that he'd live the same adventures once he'd be a full grown dwarf.

As he grabbed a piece of golden bread, slightly squishy under his hand –just the way he liked it- he observed both his father and uncle, who were deep in discussion. His father seemed very reluctant about whatever they were talking about, and Kili hoped he wouldn't snap, knowing his father's fierce temper. He and Fili, well his brother especially, were often on the receiving end of it.

"It would be for the best if they came with me" Kili heard his uncle say. What were they talking about anyway? It seemed to concern him, well him and his brother, so he decided to zone out all the noise from the feast going on around him, focusing only on his father and Thorin.

"Are you out of your mind Thorin?!" His father seemed to be trying his best to prevent himself from yelling at his brother "Why do you need my boys to go with you? Don't you have any other dwarves you could rely on? It's much too dangerous, they're still only children for Mahal's sake, and your plan is suicide! I don't want Kili out there, despite his age, I just don't want him to get into any risky situation. I know you, and when you talk of a little "adventure", it often ends up in lots of bruises and broken bones. I don't want Kili coming home like that, imagine if he got hurt or captured, or… worse, I don't want anything bad happening to him and I don't want to spend who knows how long wondering into the late hours of the night when will my son come back." _And what about Fili? Kili tought grimly…_

"They won't always be children" Thorin replied, composed and without losing his temper, as he so often did. "Your boys can't stay here forever, they'll have to leave at some point in their lives. I know it's dangerous out there, but they won't be alone! Balin and Dwalin will also be with me, along with a good few more, people I can trust my own life with, you know yourself that I've known Balin for years! I'll look out for them, _please-_"

So his uncle had wanted to bring him and Fili on some kind of adventure? Yes he agreed with his father about how anything could happen to them out there, but Thorin's arguments were none less true. It was about time he and his brother start leaving home, they couldn't stay here forever. And Thorin's way of formulating his demand had definitely sparked Kili's interest, he would _indeed_ like to join his uncle in whatever he'd been planning to do.

However, remembering his brother, where was Fili? He knew his brother and father didn't get along very well, but this was an exception. It was Kili's birthday, Fili _should_ be here beside him, not eating for five dwarves on his own in a corner with an enormous tank of ale for only company. As if on cue, said brother sat down in the empty seat beside him, almost silently.

"And where have you been all this time? I've been as lonely as ever at this table, dear brother" Kili joked, actually wondering what could have possibly held him up all this time.

"I'm sorry Kili" his brother apologized, feeling guilty for leaving Kili alone this long. Not that his brother was alone, but he doubted any conversation his father would be having with their uncle Thorin would seem interesting to Kili. "I had something to get and it took me a little longer than I had initially expected". He drew up a long packaging from beside his feet and offered it to his brother "Happy name day, brother"


	3. A Merry Gathering, Indeed

Fili had been about to start a third mug of ale when he noticed him. The hobbit. He hadn't paid much attention to their "host" up till now, as a matter of fact nobody had really, the others were just too busy enjoying the food and drink to take notice of the troubled fellow, even the quiet Ori and the calm Bofur. His brother was probably helping himself to a fifth service already whereas he himself hadn't even remotely finished his first one. He'd taken a few bites alright, and the hobbit's food wasn't half bad (better than he'd initially expected), but after a while, he'd just been moving the content of his plate around with a fork, losing interest in the eating part of it completely.

Bilbo, the poor hobbit had been running around back and forth since they'd started eating, begging the dwarves to try and be clean, not to throw things everywhere, take care of his precious belongings, or to take reasonable amounts of food in Bombur's case, which was completely understandable. After all, they _were _having a party in somebody else's home, and they _were_ helping themselves to his food, without even really asking him. Looking down at his mug, still half full, Fili felt guilty, it wasn't in his right to help himself to any of Bilbo's meals, let alone serving himself with the hobbit's drink, and set the mug down almost instantly, regretting the loud _bang!_ it made, even if nobody heard it over the loud shouting and joking they'd been doing.

Looking around for their unlucky host, he spotted him just as he made his way around the door, leaving the dwarves to their feasting, and probably slumping down somewhere to rest his nerves. Poor thing, he probably wasn't used to the dwarf way of having a good time, even though Gandalf had told them hobbits tended to be quite festive too. Maybe giving a small mug of ale might not be a too bad idea? It wasn't really a gift, as the ale in itself belonged to Bilbo, but Fili still wanted to show some form of gratitude towards their host, who had been putting up with their ruckus for a while now.

Bilbo was exhausted, to say the least. The dwarves were indeed _a merry gathering,_ as Gandalf put it, but they frustrated him to no end. After destroying most of the plumbing in his bathroom, emptying his cellars and almost giving him a heart attack with the way they threw plates and cutlery to each other across the table as they _had a little fun_ to a merry song (well, at least they were trying to not leave the place too dirty, that had to count for _something…_), he'd decided to take a few minutes to himself on the stairs, where he could hopefully calm his nerves and recompose himself before going back to join his "guests".

He was startled when he heard a gentle _–plump-_next to him as one of the dwarves, the blond one, settled down next to him. Fili offered him a mug, with ale he'd managed to save from the prying of the others, his brother especially, and Bilbo looked up, thanking him before draining the whole mug down in one go. He couldn't remember the last time ale had tasted _so good_.

"Thank you" Bilbo almost coughed, after emptying the mug to the last drop. Surprisingly, he confessed to himself that he should have taken one long before now. "You have no idea how I actually needed that" and he leaned back against the stairs, taking deep breaths in the process. True, the ale was definitely helping. It may not make the dwarves disappear, but he could feel himself relax, even if it was only slightly.

"I apologize for the way the others are going on, it's not that they have no manners, , it's just, they tend to lose a bit of self control when they attend parties, especially when they get their hands on ale. If Uncle could see them…" Fili wanted to apologize on the behalf of his companions, he knew it wouldn't change anything but if it could make the hobbit understand that they weren't really here just so that they could empty his cellars, it would make him feel better . Bilbo was probably thinking dwarves as uncivilized savages when it came to food, thanks to the number they'd pulled off, and even if dwarves tended to be a bit _rough_, they weren't totally devoid of manners.

Bilbo himself shot up, the dwarf had actually _apologized_? He wouldn't have expected any of them to be remotely polite, after seeing how they went on at the table with the food, but this one, Kili-or was it Fili?- Was here, apologizing on their behalf…

"Don't worry about it, there's nothing much to be done now, I guess, just make the most of it" he sighed as he turned around and made his way back to the remaining dwarves, who seemed to still be having the time of their lives.

That was until they all heard a knock at Bilbo's front door, and silence fell in the room.

_Please not another one_, Bilbo begged, not ready for more food acrobatics.


	4. Enters, Thorin Oakenshield

Thorin watched passively as the small creature (for lack of better way of expressing himself), opened the door. He looked quite intimidated, and slightly upset? He strode in past the small man, and made his way into the house. Despite how odd it felt to him (no dwarf would ever live in a house like this) it was quite nice, and immediately welcoming. As he took off his cloak, he noticed Gandalf to his right, and the rest of his company to the left: so they'd all arrived already? And judging by the leftover crumbs spread across the long table, they'd probably helped themselves to some form of dinner not too long ago. Good, they'd be able to get down to business quickly then.

After a short outburst from the hobbit –Bilbo, he'd learnt his name was- and a presentation by Gandalf, he spotted both of his nephews, at the back of the group, and bowed his head in acknowledgment. They'd talk later. For now, they had more important things to discuss.

After letting the rest of his audience in on how the meetings he'd been to had turned out, telling them that they'd get no support from anywhere but within this group, Gandalf explained to the confused hobbit what exactly was going on, and why they needed him.

While the wizard let Bilbo in on what they were planning to do, Thorin eyed his nephews, who were both seated side by side at the other end of the table. It may have only been a few weeks since they'd last seen each other at Kili's name day, still, Thorin was glad to know both were well, and seemed up to whatever this journey would ask of them.

Kili of course, was as live as ever, even going to bother poor Bombur who was seated next to him, trying to find crumbs here and there on the table. With an ale in one hand and yelling obscenities (he'd have to correct him later, Thorin mused), Kili probably couldn't have been in any better shape. Thorin sighed, the lad didn't know what he was in for, he didn't grasp the reality of what they were setting out to do. However, if he had the chance to set foot in the great of halls of Erebor once more, he'd bring his nephews-both of them- for certain, it was their birthright as much as his own, they had a right to enter their own home after years of living in exile in the Blue Mountains.

Looking beyond the younger brother, he spotted Fili at the corner of the table. Unlike Kili, his eldest nephew was much quieter, he'd always been the calmer of the two, even if he and his brother had both gotten themselves into sticky situations when they were younger. Still, Fili had grown up, and despite still being one of the youngest here,alongside Kili and Ori, he was in the most parts ready to come along with them.

Thorin raised an eyebrow when he noticed the lost look in his nephews eyes as he gazed into nothing across the table, he looked almost _detached_, as if he were here without really being here at the same time. It felt odd, and he didn't like the uneasy feeling that started settling down in his stomach in the slightest. On the outside, Fiili looked fine tough, meaning he wasn't covered in bruises and cuts from adventures he could have had with Kili on the way here, and Thorin guessed that if anything were indeed bothering his eldest nephew, he'd come to him about it. They were a family, weren't they? And families worked together at solving problems.

Relieved by his own deductions, Thorin listened to the conversation going on, after sharing out loud his own thoughts on the mountain. They would need to travel fast if they were to make it there before anyone else thought of claiming Erebor as their own. And Thorin would most definitely not stand for that. Erebor was his, by right. And after him, it came down to his nephews, first Fili then Kili. Despite how young they were, he could see now why he needed them with him, by his side.

However, they were now talking about needing a burglar, Ori had been the one to suggest it, and Gandalf seemed adamant that the young dwarf was right. He saw all eyes from the table look to the end, where their poor host was standing. _Were they crazy?_ Even his nephews –both of them- seemed to be keen on embarking Bilbo on their journey. The only ones against the idea were himself, and the hobbit in question, when he looked around at his seated guests, shocked beyond measure.

"He said he's an expert!" Oin yelled proudly, glad that they'd finally found someone to do the task.

If looks could kill, Thorin probably would have murdered poor Oin right there, without any second thought. He didn't want the hobbit to go with them, not in the slightest. Had the rest of his company just looked carefully at ? He was no burglar material, he belonged here in his own home, eating his second breakfasts and smoking his pipe leisurely, not out in the wild, where he was certain to cause more trouble than they needed right now! Even the hobbit seemed to disagree, stuttering excuses that they should leave him behind, and continue on on their little adventure, without him of course.

To his relief, Balin and Dwalin also seemed to think bringing on this quest was ridiculous. However, it caused a certain eruption at the table, dividing those who wanted to leave the hobbit behind and those who wanted him to come along. To his dismay, both of his nephews seemed to lean towards the latter of the two. _What was he going to do with them?_ Thorin thought grimly.

However, Gandalf soon settled the ruckus at the table, stating that _would_ be joining them (since when did Gandalf's arguments win over Thorin's?) and giving the company ample qualities that possessed that they, as dwarves, did not. Reluctantly, _very_ reluctantly, Thorin agreed that this _new addition_ would be in his rights to join them, and sent Balin to give Bilbo the contract.

As the hobbit went through the summary on the long piece of paper Balin had given to him, Thorin caught Kili by the eye and indicated for him to follow him into the hallway. The younger nephew, albeit surprised by his uncle's actions, followed wordlessly.

"How are you and your brother doing?" Thorin started, as he turned around and gave Kili a welcoming hug. He knew he couldn't do it in front of the others, having to show himself as a leader, but in private moments like this, he allowed himself to be Uncle Thorin, and not Thorin Oakenshield, heir to Erebor.

"We're fine Uncle, albeit a little tired from the journey to get here, but we were compensated with the hobbit's meal, you needn't worry about us. Fili and I are fine!" Kili laughed, always taking things lightly. Hopefully this little adventure would show him that he needed to be a little more responsible, life wasn't just fun and games.

"Good, we'll be leaving early tomorrow, with or without our hobbit, however, that is still up to him" Thorin added. To be honest, still wasn't convinced that Gandalf's choice of a burglar was the brightest idea he'd had. What good could possibly come from inviting a hobbit into his adventure…


	5. Facing Problems And A Brother

The next morning, Fili found himself to be the first awake among the company. Although Thorin had expressively said that they'd be leaving early, none of the dwarves had made a move to get themselves ready yet, let alone open an eye. _Good_, he thought, it would leave him time to get his pack done without being disturbed.

Quietly, he rose up, and tiptoed into the hall, careful not to bother his slumbering companions or the hobbit, and made his way to his belongings. He knew that if his uncle were awake, despite Fili being nearly fully grown, he'd still insist checking to be sure that his nephew had everything he needed in his pack.

He bent down, and opened up his bag, taking in the pile of spades, rope and small swords that were packed inside. At least, he was prepared in case an unexpected problem arose. Fili also took it to pack the water his companions would need, and filled up what he could before packing it away. Then he came to an unwanted problem.

_Food._

Food was going to be tricky.

The smell of last night's meal still lingered throughout the hobbit's house, and Fili thought he was going to be sick (not that he'd eaten that much at supper, he'd barely touched his plate). It wasn't the packing of it that was troubling him, it was wondering how he could convince Thorin and the other that he'd enough in his bag for himself without arousing their suspicions…

He still remembered last night. The way the smell assaulted him, making him nauseous, the way the others went about taking in as much as they could. The crunching. The dripping. The chewing. The way it fell out of their mouths when they were screaming at the other end of the table. Just… _Everything._ He'd thought that he was going to be sick, not being able to stomach all the sounds and seeing the enormous amounts, so he'd settled himself to cover up any suspicions the others could have by going for the drinks. At least drinking wasn't as bad, there weren't any sounds, no work to do in his mouth, no _sick_ feeling… And it made him feel less guilty. After all, people like his brother, or Bombur were more in need of what Bilbo was offering them, not himself. They also had to think of Uncle Thorin, at least leave some for when he would arrive, and as nobody else seemed to be thinking about their leader, Fili took it upon himself to keep his plate for his uncle: he was bound to be hungry when he arrived, and after all, Fili guessed he _could_ skip one meal, it wasn't a big deal…

Last night he'd managed to cover up, which was fine by him, but how was he possibly going to deal with it on the journey? The others were bound to notice at some point, which had started to give him knots in his stomach, as a very uncomfortable feeling began to settle in. He wasn't going to steal their food from them, he'd made that final: they needed it more than he did. So he'd have to hide it somehow, probably by tending to the ponies or going to get firewood. It would cover up his problem for a while, but he knew he'd have to eat eventually, and he wasn't ready to face that right now.

So lost in his thoughts has he that he didn't even notice his brother creeping up behind him before he felt a hearty brotherly slap to his back. Trust Kili to greet his own kin with particular manners…

"This is it Fili! We're finally going to be able to go with Uncle on one of his grand adventures! We're going to be able to chase orcs, see everything Uncle's been describing in his stories, share meals around the fire, _everything!_ Although, I do think I'm going to miss our hobbit's cooking, his roasted meat was especially good…" _Please Kili, not first thing in the morning…_ Fili begged unconsciously.

"You haven't forgotten anything have you?" Kili asked after a while. True, Kili had noticed that his brother had been a little quiet since they'd left the Blue Mountains, but he put it on the fact that they were finally going on an adventure. Maybe he wasn't ready to leave home just yet? Anyway, he himself had decided he'd have the time of his life, because their mother would certainly not allow them on another adventure like this one once they met up again, Thorin's arguments be damned.

Going over to his own pony, a nice brown one, Kili opened the bags on his saddle and stuffed whatever he could fit into them, making the fabric stretch with the amount he tried taking with him. He'd almost managed to put everything in, when he found a small set of knives and forks that had almost been left behind, had he not paid more attention. But his bags were full…

He looked around, noticing Fili bringing up his own pony, a grey one, and stopping it next to his brother's.

"Would you mind packing this into your bags?" Kili asked, referring to the left-over cutlery that he couldn't carry "I'm afraid my bags won't stand more stretching" he added, pointing towards to fabric behind his saddle.

Wordlessly, Fili took the offered items and Kili went on his way, towards the house to see if Thorin needed him for anything more.

As Fili fitted the utensils in the bag hanging from his saddle, he looked back at the small hobbit's house, feeling sorry that Bilbo had refused to come along with them. He had seemed like a decent person, and had been quite a good host, considering all of the dwarves had come over quite uninvited. He didn't know how to put it, but being around Bilbo made him feel calmer. Bilbo's light heartedness would have done the whole company good, especially their uncle. However, he wasn't about to force the hobbit to join them, if he didn't want to come along, it was his choice, and he was within his rights to refuse if it was what he felt was better for himself. After all, Gandalf had told them that hobbits weren't the adventurous folk. Bilbo would probably have felt odd in the company, having no experience of the outer world, in a place where he wouldn't feel he belonged. He'd probably be saying that they couldn't understand.

But Fili _did_. He understood what it felt like to be forced into a position that you didn't want.

Despite being Thorin's nephew, he was also an heir, meaning that someday, he'd also sit on the throne of Erebor. He most definitely was _not_ looking forward to that. His father had repeatedly corrected decisions he'd made or actions he'd done, constantly comparing him to his younger brother, and constantly repeating how his brother was better at everything they did. He'd probably even told him he'd been _disappointed_ in Fili more than once.

And that's why Fili fully understood the hobbit's refusal. He didn't want to cause trouble to the company because he didn't feel like it was his place to go with them. At least, Bilbo had had a choice in the matter….

Despite his reasoning, Fili admitted to himself he would have liked Mister Baggins to come with them.


	6. Mister Baggins Joins The Company

They had been riding for a short while now, keeping their ponies at a slow pace in the woods just outside of Bag End. Truly, it really was a nice place, certainly a change from the dullness of the Blue Mountains, where he and his brother had spent the majority of their lives.

In Hobbiton, Fili had noticed of how the hobbits led a simple life, spending their days around their houses, dining with friends, selling things here, trading there… It was just so _strange_… Neither him or his brother had ever seen anything like this in their lifetime before, their uncle constantly behind them repeating they should take their duties as princes seriously.

Now though, they'd entered a forest of the surrounding area, which gave them an escape from the beating sun for a while, thankfully. The company in itself was relatively quiet, except for the outbursts coming from Dori and Dwalin, who were expressing how visiting the hobbit last night had been a complete waste of time. He could see them arguing from atop his pony, at the back of the group, next to his brother. Hadn't they been among the first to dig into the meal they'd been "offered" last night tough?

His uncle and Gandalf were both leading the company, at the front, probably discussing more important matters than visiting hobbits and helping themselves to others meals.

Turning around as he heard commotion to his right, he smirked as Kili's pony kept trying to nibble the fur of Balin's white one, who was riding in front of them. His brother was desperately trying to keep control over the little brown beast, but wasn't very successful. After pulling gently on the reigns and even making it do circles, Kili's stubborn pony was still desperate to nudge it's musle in the back of Balin's one. Smirking he gave his brother a look, which made Kili turn bright red.

"You all right there, laddie?" Balin asked as he turned around, wondering what was all the commotion the brothers were doing . The lads were supposed to be able to horse ride, Thorin had told them that neither Kili nor Fili had any problems when it came to dealing with ponies, but the ruckus he kept hearing was starting to make him think otherwise.

"Fine, Mister Balin" Kili replied, although his voice didn't seem really fine at all "It's just… Your bum… I mean your pony… No my pony… Trying to bite the bum…" He was losing it completely, he couldn't even formulate a phrase! Fili chuckled, and Balin gave him an understanding smile, before turning around and go back to whatever he'd been talking about with Dori.

"I'd like to see you try, dear brother" Kili snorted, although not really angry at his brother. If he were to be angry at anyone, it would be at the poor pony he was riding.

Fili had been about to shoot out a well aimed joke about how his brother about how he couldn't have wished for a more fitting pony, having the same hair color and everything, when all the dwarves suddenly stopped at the sound of a _"WAIT!"_ . Turning around to his brother once more, he gave him a knowing smile, and the _I told you so _look. Indeed, the dwarves, initiated by Gandalf, had been debating whether Mister Baggins would show up this morning to accompany them or not.

While Thorin didn't take part in the conversation, not deeming it of any interest, the others had had quite a ramble with it. And after a while, they'd taken wages on whether the hobbit would arrive, obviously late, and ask to join them. Most of the dwarves had laughed, and sided with the idea that, no, Mister Baggins would rather stay in the safety of his house and the comfort of what he knew. However, Oin, Balin, Gandalf and himself had stood by that Bilbo would show up eventually, and when their burglar finally did show up, he shot his brother a look, to emphasize how he'd been right all along.

After letting Balin check Bilbo's signature on the contract, Thorin ordered them to give the hobbit a pony. Fili turned towards his brother as they heard their new companion protesting, saying he could keep up fine on foot. _Of course he could…_ Giving Kili a wink, they snuck up behind their burglar and before he could utter a sound, they both lifted him up, and settled him on their extra pony, the one carrying all the packages and tools they'd be needing. Excluding Thorin and Bilbo himself, they earned themselves a laugh from the other dwarves before they set off again, and Kili rode up to join Ori and Dori.

Fili stayed behind, after all, somebody had to stay with their burglar, and as everybody seemed to be going back to whatever they'd been talking about before the arrival of his timely arrival, he slowed his pony, and decided to ride next to Bilbo, who was having a hard time just trying to adjust his reigns.

"So, Mister Baggins, what made you change your mind? If I recall well, last night, you seemed pretty adamant to stay in your cozy little home" Fili chuckled.

Bilbo, as a matter of fact, didn't really know why he'd come along in the end. It's just that this morning, when he found his house tidy and devoid of dwarves, he felt a kind of _emptiness,_ he didn't really know how to formulate the feeling. But when he'd set eyes on the contract Balin had given him, and the few words he'd exchanged with Gandalf, he just felt a sudden urge to go along, no matter what would happen to him, and so here he was…

"I'm not sure, really…" He trailed off. "Gandalf had always told me about my adventurous Took side, you see, I'm not only a Baggins, but also a Took, who are quite _peculiar_ hobbits believe me, and I guess it just got the better of me this morning, when I eyed Balin's contract that had been left on the table."

He gave a sudden stop in his sentence, and Fili looked back at him, curiously. Bilbo felt his nose twitching, in the most uncomfortable way, the only warning before he gave a huge sneeze, startling his pony. He heard a few laughs coming from in front of him, mostly hearing Gloin and Bofur, before he realized he had a _big_ problem.

"Stop! We need to stop! I… I forgot my handkerchief!" Of course, he had to have forgotten it! But he couldn't go on an adventure without any now, could he? It would be ridiculous! Who would go on a journey like this without thinking of packing extra handkerchiefs? However, to his dismay, the dwarves kept on, not taking notice of their burglar's problem. He thought he heard Bofur say something, before he caught a piece of fabric thrown to him by said dwarf. I wasn't a handkerchief, it wasn't even anything he'd think of blowing his nose in, but never the less, he was grateful.

Gandalf sighed, Bilbo was going to have a hard time learning how to do without his every day comforts, he was in the wild out here, where they had to fend for themselves, and not rely on small trinkets and every day treats the hobbit was used to. It would be hard at the beginning, but he was certain that Bilbo would pull through, after all, he hadn't chosen him to be the company's burglar for nothing… Anyway, he decided he'd trot up to Thorin, to discuss where they would be headed next, knowing Bilbo had nothing to fear surrounded by the others.

Fili also noticed the hobbit's little outburst, and the same thoughts that passed through Gandalf's mind went through his as well. Bilbo wasn't ready for something like this. If he was looking for a handkerchief only a short while after they'd started riding, what else could he have forgotten. Clothes? Tools? Weapons? Meals?

The last thought actually stayed on his mind, noticing that Bilbo, in fact, despite being given the pony with all their gear, didn't seem to have any "second breakfast" as he liked to put it. Shortly after Thorin ordered them to move on, and both Bilbo and Fili gently nudged their ponies forward.

Bilbo was grateful that at least one member of the company would stay behind for him. But being a Took also meant that he was curious. He'd noticed how both Kili and Fili were much younger than any of the other dwarves of the company, they had probably not even reached adulthood in dwarven years yet, and Bilbo wondered why Thorin would bring such young people along with him. He didn't come off as a dwarf who took risks.

He was afraid to speak up, knowing none of the dwarves really wanted him among them, but his curiosity got the better of him, and before he could shut his mouth, the question had already slipped.

"Sorry if I come off as somebody rude, but I've been asking myself why are you and your brother here, on this little adventure I mean? You don't look half the age any of the others are, excluding Ori of course. And I don't think Thorin is the kind of dwarf to accept anybody who would like to join him…"

Fili laughed. And Bilbo stared, what had he said that was so funny? He'd expected the dwarf to not answer at all, or maybe take it as a hurtful remark (which he didn't mean in the slightest, of course!), but certainly not laugh. After calming himself down a bit, the blond looked back at Bilbo.

"Thorin is my uncle, and as he has no children of his own, he decided to bring Kili and I along with him, much to the dismay of my dear father. But you're right, in dwarf years, Kili and I are barely adults, which is why some people back home were a bit reluctant about the idea of letting us go, but Uncle knows how to use words, and after a short conversation with my father, both Kili and I were allowed to go with him."

Bilbo nodded, so Kili and Fili were part of Thorin's family.

"By the way Master Baggins, did you think of bringing any second breakfast with you?" Fili suddenly asked, joking. The dwarves had indeed been intrigued when Bilbo had explained them the hobbit's daily ritual concerning meals, and to his dismay, in all the frenzy he'd been in when running after the company, he'd totally forgotten to pack in any kind of breakfast, which meant he had nothing at all.

Fili noticed the hobbit's features cloud over in panic, and decided he could help him here, at least. He threw over the bag Kili had given him, which contained Fili's lunch, and winked at the startled hobbit. After all, Bilbo would be needing it, and it was that less for him and his pony to carry.

Fili relaxed slightly in his saddle, starting to enjoy Bilbo's company more and more. Maybe Gandalf's idea wasn't so bad after all?


	7. An Offensive Accident

**I'm not sure if this is where the Author's Notes belong, but I guess I'll add them here all the same.**

**First of all, I'd like to apologize for not thanking any of you any earlier than chapter 7, I'm so, so, so sorry!**

**Then, well, Thank you (sorry, no other way I could think of to put it *sheepish grin*), for taking time to read and follow the story so far, I sincerely hope you're enjoying it! :)**

**I'll try and uptade it every Friday, and I can already guarantee that I won't be abandoning the story in mid drama (I know how it feels to love an unfinished story, it's quite frustrating in a sense, and I'll try and spare you that!). I've gotten most of it written already, but I'd rather do weekly updates, so I can go over what I've done and give you the best version possible.**

**As for typographical errors, I apologize already if there are some you come across. I really don't know why there are so many. I mean, I check the document in Word, and go over it to make sure there are no spelling mistakes, but once I upload it to FanFiction, it just goes and deletes words and stuff, it's so frustrating! (Grr! ^^)**

**Well, other than that, here's chapter seven, in which we get a little more into the story, with Bilbo, Fili, Kili and Thorin. And for those of you who have a soft spot for angsty Fili, fear not, for there is lots more to come. ;)**

The company rode on for the whole of the rest of the day, and not one of them could deny that their legs were especially sore once they stopped to rest, not even Thorin. They'd managed to go a good distance and as night fell, they found a small rock formation that he deemed good enough for spending the night in. After getting Bombur to look after their soup, and tending to his pony, they all gathered around a fire that Kili had made and ate while discussing their plans for tomorrow.

To his dismay, he noticed that Bilbo, who was sitting in between Ori and Fili, looked as lost as ever, not having the slightest clue as to what all these places they were talking about meant. His outburst from earlier about the handkerchief had already put Thorin on edge, and he was beginning to seriously doubt Gandalf's ability to choose wisely. Although, he'd noticed how Fili had constantly been around their burglar, at least someone was getting something out of the hobbit, even if the dwarf leader couldn't imagine what Fili could possibly see in the small hobbit.

A part of him was hurt about how his nephew had been so taken by the Halfling, spending almost as much time around Bilbo as he did around him or even Kili, and he knew how inseparable those two were.

Bilbo seemed to notice Thorin's stare on him, and it unsettled him. He knew the dwarf leader didn't want him here, he didn't want a lost hobbit mingling in with his dwarven companions. And so Bilbo got up, using stretching as an excuse to get away from the uneasy stare.

After setting his bowl down next to Bombur and the pot containing their evening meal, he decided that he needed a distraction. Looking around, his eyes fell on Myrtle who was happily grazing a little out of the camp, the pony he'd been given to ride along on his adventure. Is was as good as an excuse than any, and picking up an apple from around the fire, he made his way to the small animal.

To be honest with himself, it also got him farther away from Thorin, and the more distance they had between each other, the better, for now anyway. It wasn't that Bilbo disliked Thorin, on the contrary, he could almost say that he admired the dwarf leader, it was just that Thorin didn't seem too taken by their burglar, and Bilbo didn't want to give him an occasion to have Thorin's image of him crumble even further.

Slowly, he passed through the resting ponies before finding his own chestnut one. It was the smallest of the lot, but Bilbo didn't really mind. Looking around, as if to make sure nobody would catch him, he took the apple out of his pocket, and dusted it off his sleeve. Truly, he wouldn't have minded taking a bite out of it himself, but it was for Myrtle, and Bilbo thought she deserved it after the hard day the poor pony had had, carrying both him and the extra packages.

Giving her the apple, he smiled as the beast ate it, without thinking twice. Although he had been afraid of the pony when he'd realized he'd have to ride one, and even more so when Kili and Fili had picked him up and, to put it bluntly, just dropped him onto it's back, he'd eventually quite enjoyed the ride, and Myrtle was indeed a very nice pony. At least she was much calmer than Nori's speckled one, who kept moving it's head around as if it were constantly chased by flies, the poor dwarf had had a hard time in the saddle.

As he was petting her forehead gently, he was startled when he heard a noise out there, in the wild, and a most unsettling one at that. He looked back at the company for reassurance, and found them as calm as ever, as if it had just only been a bird chirping.

"What was that?" the hobbit asked uneasily. The sound had given him chills, and the little fire Kili and Fili had lit didn't comfort him in the slightest, especially if there was some kind of great beast out there, lurking in the shadows, just waiting for them to fall asleep before devouring them one by one.

"Orcs" Kili simply replied, looking around too, as if he were trying to spot them. Bilbo stopped dead in his tracks, he hadn't signed up to fight monsters like that! It was already hard enough to deal with a grumpy Thorin as a leader, no second breakfast and aches from riding Myrtle, now he had to put up with orcs too? Did these dwarves think he was some kind of super-hobbit? Because he most certainly wasn't.

Fili, on the other hand, immediately got the joke his brother wanted to play, and thought it would be a good idea to join in. After all, the company could use a bit of fun, couldn't they?

"Throat-cutters" he added, as if it were common knowledge to anyone "There'll be dozens of them out there. The low lands are crawling with them." Oh! The look on Bilbo's face was priceless!

"They strike, in the wee small hours, when everyone's asleep. Quick and quiet, no screams." Kili continued, thoroughly enjoying himself. "Just lots of blood." He added in a whisper, as to truly startle their unfortunate companion. But he couldn't keep it in, turning towards his brother, they both laughed when they caught each other's eye, that was a good prank they'd pulled off!

"You think that's funny?" A hard voice cut through their merriment, and Fili fell silent. Of course Thorin wouldn't agree to have fun on such a matter. "You think that a night raid by orcs is a joke?" he continued, staring at them harshly, obviously not taking kindly to what they were laughing about. It wasn't in Bilbo's defense that he told them to stop their nonsense, it was because Thorin thought his nephews should have known better, his eldest especially.

"Sorry Uncle" Fili apologized, looking down. He knew better than to argue with Thorin, it was a lost cause anyway. He and his brother had tried ample times already, as to try and get out of trouble when they were slightly younger. In the end, it just landed them in a worse situation then they'd been before.

"You know nothing of the world!" their Uncle almost spat, leaving the fire and walking to the cliff edge, staring out at the night sky.

Balin tried to comfort them, saying they shouldn't pay attention to their leader's words, but Fili knew better. Being Thorin's heir meant no joking around, and orcs was definitely _not_ something Thorin would laugh about. He could recall how his uncle had vowed to kill one of them, Azog The Defiler he'd been calling him, or the Pale Orc as he was more commonly known, and how he'd been so relieved when he'd learnt of his death. He knew Thorin had some kind of revenge he wanted against that particular beast, but his Uncle had never explicitly told him the whole story behind all the hatred.

Thinking about it just made him feel worse, on top of scaring poor Bilbo out of his mind, he'd also hurt his Uncle with his stupid joke. He knew apologizing to Thorin would do no good, his Uncle was too stubborn to accept any, unless his name was Thranduil King of the Woodland realm apologizing for abandoning the dwarves in the mid-battle against orcs, and even at that, he couldn't be certain his Uncle would ever find it in himself to forgive the elf lord.

The rest of the company, who had fallen deathly quiet after Thorin's outburst, and had only started to move again, decided to turn in for the night, it would probably be best for everyone. With Gandalf taking the first watch, they let sleep overpower them one by one, 'till none were left awake, not even the rowdy Dwalin.

However, little did they all know that on the cliff just across from where they had all peacefully drifted off, one of Thorin's old _acquaintances_ was much closer than any of them could imagine…


	8. A Most Unpleasant Ride

**It's Friday again, so guess what? Yes, another chapter! :) Thank you all for following/favouriting/reviewing over the last few parts, it's really great knowing you're enjoying this 'fic so far! :D**

**Here's chapter eight, in which we get a little more Bilbo/Fili moments (friendship huh? Don't let your minds wander _too_ far ^^) and Fili isn't exactly at ease with our favourite hobbit's questions. Actually, Fili isn't having a very easy time at all, but I guess a little angst has never hurt anyone, right? ;)**

**Well, I won't delay you any longer, on with the story! :)**

To the whole company's dismay, it rained throughout the whole of the next day, and the mud their ponies were walking through was really slowing them down. On top of affecting the pace they were going at, some of the dwarves were really in a foul mood, like Dori for example, who kept asking Gandalf if he could use any of his magic tricks to just make the rain disappear. Gandalf simply laughed, saying that the rain would continue to do so until it was done, and that if they weren't satisfied, they could just go and find themselves another wizard. He then went on then, talking about the five wizards: the two Blue Wizards, Saruman the White, Radagast the Brown and himself, Gandalf the Grey, after some of the dwarves had inquired about who the others were.

The back of the company weren't doing much better, actually, they were probably in a worse state, being on the receiving end of the mud the ponies kept lifting up off the ground and tossing behind them as they walked along. It was probably one of the worst traveling days he'd experienced since he'd left the Blue Mountains with his brother.

Fili felt as if his coat had doubled in weight, and he was having a hard time trying to keep both it and the packs from slipping and falling. His protection against the rain was useless now, as he was already soaked to the bone and freezing cold, barely feeling his fingers at all, but what else could he do with it? The muddy jacket had gotten quite heavy, with all the water that had been running down its sides, and was seriously beginning to weigh the dwarf down.

Suddenly, his pony gave a slight stumble, which made him lose his equilibrum, and he leaned forward in his saddle, tough luckily catching his balance and not falling off. However, the content of the morning's quick breakfast rose in the back of his throat, and Fili tried his best to swallow the horrible burning sensation. Being jolted around on the uneven terrain didn't exactly help tough. He tried not to think about it, surely the feeling would pass, wouldn't it? It wasn't as if this was the first time such a thing happened, and even though it was most unpleasant, Fili tried to ignore it as much as possible, after all, most of the time he just put up with it for an hour or so and the sensation would then slowly dull down to nothing.

As they moved on, he found the ill feeling was actually getting worse. The upset stomach hadn't stopped and he could now feel the unpleasant taste of bile rising in the back of his throat, the awful soreness was back again with a vengeance. Fili looked around, desperately hoping he'd find something to make the sick feeling stop, as it was most discomforting to ride with. He wished for a quick break, if only for a minute, just to be able to halt his pony and take a deep breath, maybe even force himself to hurl if it would get rid of the awful taste in his mouth, but he knew Thorin couldn't afford it, so he decided to keep his problems to himself, actually grateful for the sudden shower of rain and how it didn't allow his brother to see how bad he felt. Even if he managed to hide some of his troubles to Kili, the archer still had a remarkable talent in reading him, and Fili didn't want to worry him, any of them actually. If they should be concerned for someone, it should be Bilbo.

_Why was it happening though? _Fili was familiar with the ill feeling, he'd often been dealing with it in the past months, but he'd never let anyone know about it. Usually, he managed to handle it on his own, either he'd throw up or he'd give it a half an hour and the feeling would dull down. Besides, he knew better than to bother his mother or dare ask his father for help, and Kili didn't need to have extra weight on his shoulders, he already had enough. Despite racking his brain until he felt a dull headache, Fili couldn't understand why it was happening, now of all times. He hadn't eaten anything since last night, and even at that, it had only been a half-bowl of soup, the rest he'd poured into Bilbo's bowl while he hadn't been looking, making sure their hobbit had what he needed. He couldn't possibly have anything to throw up, and yet the feeling of sloshing in his stomach was still there, reminding him that he shouldn't have eaten so much, and no matter how hard he tried to find out what he possibly could have swallowed to make him feel like this, he couldn't put his finger on it. To be honest with himself, Fili didn't really want to know, and in fact, he couldn't recall eating anything really substantial since Kili's name day, which had been eight weeks ago, and if he included the few weeks prior to the event, _over two months…_

Getting scared of where his thoughts were bringing him, he shook his head, flinging away the droplets of rain that had managed to cover his face, and tried to focus on just following Thorin. A part of him argued that he'd need to face them eventually, but Fili didn't feel like putting up with the inevitable right now. He knew it was cowardly, he knew he ought to be disappointed in himself, but he just wasn't up to it. Besides, he could care less about the state he was in…

His little grey pony was still giving the occasional jerky movement from left to right, but the terrain seemed to have evened out a bit, and the blond dwarf sighed in relief when he didn't feel like he was being thrown in every direction quite so much anymore. His grip on the reigns relaxed slightly, and he sat back in his saddle, the nauseous feeling having lessened. Fili tried to listen into bribes of conversation here and there, but with everyone trying to talk over each other and cover the sound of the falling rain, it just ended up giving him an awful headache.

"Do you know where exactly Gandalf and Thorin are leading us?" Bilbo suddenly piped up, from beside him.

Bilbo, who had initially refused anything to do with the dwarves, had had a last-minute change of heart, when he remembered Gandalf mentioning the Took side of him, and luckily had been accepted among the dwarves (well, Thorin still needed some convincing, but most of the others seemed okay with him joining…). It was as if he'd been riding for ages, he couldn't feel the slightest muscle in his bottom at the moment. Adding to that his soaked red coat and his freezing hands, he wondered how on earth the dwarves managed to hold on that for so long without complaining of aches all over…

By chance, Myrtle was a very nice pony, and she didn't cause him any extra trouble other than the aching he felt all over, and she was relatively calm, even under the rain. Despite his bruised backside, Bilbo decided he enjoyed pony riding, and promised himself he'd thank Fili later for staying next to him, ready to help him if ever any problem arose.

Although Bilbo hadn't been talking much to any of the dwarves, those with whom he did speak were quite welcoming, especially Balin and Fili. The elder dwarf seemed to consider Bilbo like if he were a younger member of his own family, and often sent him a comforting smile, reassuring Bilbo hadn't anything to fear among them. He liked the way Balin always seemed to be able to keep calm, no matter the circumstances, even when facing Thorin's frustrated outbursts. Bilbo could see in the elderly dwarf a decent amount of knowledge too, for he was certainly an educated being. However, even if Balin did spend some of his time with Bilbo, the hobbit also noticed he was often up at the head of the company, beside Thorin. He knew he shouldn't, but he felt a slight pang of jealousy concerning their leader. He envied the way everyone looked up to Thorin, and obeyed every command he'd give them. It wasn't so much Thorin he envied, rather it was the _trust_ that he had with each and every one of the members of the company, which Bilbo wished he could have too. He'd never say it out loud though, he was a much too respectable hobbit to hurt the dwarves in that way, even Thorin. Never the less, Balin still found time for him, letting him in on the track they'd be taking, giving him some details about such and such member of the company, or just telling him old dwarf stories, sometimes legends, other times, it would be memories he'd shared with Thorin or both of his nephews. Even if Bilbo had never experienced anything of the sort, he quite enjoyed listening to the dwarf, grasping a bit of what each member was like.

Fili, Bilbo had noticed, had also stayed around him from time to time, much to the annoyance of his brother, who kept beckoning him to ride by his side. Bilbo would have expected a thousand times that Fili give into the brunette's incessant demands, yet he still remained by the hobbit's side. The blonde had seen to it personally to make Bilbo feel at ease among them, and despite his quiet nature, Bilbo decided he quite liked Thorin's heir. He knew Fili could have been off next to his brother, or even ride alongside his Uncle, yet the fact that he chose to look out for the hobbit made Bilbo appreciate him even more. Maybe Gandalf hadn't been so wrong after all.

There was a slight pause in the air, and Bilbo was the one who decided to fill it.

"So… What's it like to be Thorin's nephew? A royal heir?" He asked innocently. If he was to go along with these thirteen dwarves, he may as well get to know them, and as Fili was beside him, he could start with him. "I'd be ready to bet your father is really pleased at what you and your brother have become. You're quite the pair, you two." He added with a wink, even mischievous hobbits didn't compare with this duo.

Fili tensed up in his saddle. This was most certainly _not_ a topic he really liked talking about, but attempting to change it would probably only make Bilbo more curious, so he tried answering with simple phrases, without giving away the truth.

"Well... It's not always easy, you know, having to balance a social life and obligations…" Bilbo snorted, of course it wasn't. He liked his normal simple days in the Shire, were anyone to bestow such duties upon him, he most definitely would not be too pleased with his life.

"He's a bit strict at times _slapping you senseless when he deems your conduct isn't fit of your title_, and he can be a little harsh with his treatment occasionally _forbidding you dinner when Mother is not around and making you watch as he relishes in a warm meal_, and he's a demanding teacher too _beating_ _you black and blue when sword training and forcing you to make up excuses to Mother to explain the bruises and cuts_, but it's not as if he's only grooming Kili and I to become future diplomats, he does spend time with both of us too, Father has his "little games" too, like joke contests or playing tactics and strategy in Kili's case, _or holding a flaming candle to your skin and threatening you not to cry out should you want any worse, _and he is overall a caring father_ to most of us at least_."

Fili had never let word slip past his lips of his father's outbursts, knowing the consequences would be oh so much worse. Many times, he'd wanted to tell Thorin when his Uncle would have him wrapped in his arms, he'd wanted his mother to save him when she would smile kindly at him, but seeing Kili and their father and how they would both laugh and roar farces in each other's presence, he knew he couldn't take that source of love away from his brother, Kili deserved a caring paternal figure, one he could be proud to call father. Besides, Fili was too scared to speak up, he was too afraid of what might happen to him should he do it someday.

"It's still a bit of pressure _make that a lot_, knowing people will be looking up to you some day _what could I possibly have to give them?_ And despite what you hear about princes and kings, Mister Baggins, it's not always the fairy tale you grow up with." Fili chuckled, trying to drift away from his dark thoughts.

Bilbo laughed too, true, he was suddenly appreciating the simple hobbit life he'd lead. Although he'd always been interested in many uncommon things, for hobbits at least, he could recall both his parents giving him the same life lessons Fili's father had obviously given the dwarf too. At least, they weren't so different, and Bilbo held on to that resemblance they both had, it made him feel that much more a part of this odd group of travelers.

"I'm sure your father is very pleased with you, if he's anything like Thorin." The dwarf at the head of the company may not be the one for displaying emotions, but when Bilbo caught him glancing at Kili or Fili, he could see the pride in his eyes, he could see how Thorin was more than content with how his two nephews had grown up, and he no doubt had great plans for them in the future.

_No, he'd rather I was never born, that I never existed. _Fili wished he could somehow voice his thoughts out to Bilbo, wanting him to be the friend he could confide all those things to, wishing he could at last share all this with someone, instead of keeping it bottled up inside of him, like he'd been doing for years, but seeing the hobbit smile and sensing how tranquil he was, forgetting momentarily the inconvenience that was the rain, he couldn't bring himself to, and Fili kept the memories to himself, as he'd been doing for who-knew-how-long now. Besides, speaking up would never change what his father had done to him, and nobody needed to know anyway. The dwarves and Bilbo were here on Thorin's (and Gandalf's) request, and despite how Bilbo must feel a little underwhelmed about their leader, Fili hoped he could make the hobbit understand that Thorin was a decent person, that they couldn't have wished for more.

"I know Uncle can come off as _gruff _Mister Baggins, but he's a caring person, except that he's too proud to let it show._ At least, when Uncle came to visit, we could often spend the day together, just the two of us, and he would accept me in his arms when Father would not._ But Thorin, despite trying to deny it over and over, well… he has a big heart, and sometimes a big heart is all one could ask for…"

The blonde hoped he could get that feeling across to Bilbo. Yes, his Uncle wasn't the most outspoken person, and at first sight, tended to come off as a bit antisocial and quite harsh, but beneath the stern façade, Thorin was the best Uncle one could ever ask for, he was so different it made him special. Despite knowing their leader cared little for Bilbo, Fili _did_ care for their companion. For what felt like the first time in years, he felt he could unwind when next to the hobbit, a feeling he didn't even find with Kili very often anymore. It wasn't much of a sensation, probably one the others would be able to experience daily, but Fili didn't, and Bilbo offering him this privilege, it was really more than he could ask for.

Bilbo had been looking from Fili to Thorin, and was making his head do the rotation a few times after the dwarf riding next to him had described this _Caring_ _Uncle Figure_. Thorin? A considerate dwarf? He didn't doubt Fili's words, it was just so strange picturing Thorin with a warm smile while playing around little children, laughing and hugging them. Bilbo could even feel the edge of his lips twitching as he imagined it, and gave a soft chuckle.

Hopefully, he might be able to see this side of Thorin too. After all, the stern dwarf had to have _some_ joy in his life, no?


	9. An Outburst At Dinner

**Well, wow, I never thought this 'fic would even grab, like five people's attention, and yet you followers keep coming. Thank you so much! :D I really hope you're liking the story for now! Here's chapter nine, I've gone over it and edited it as best I could, I hope it's okay for you. :)**

**Right, so we're getting into the story now, Bilbo being part of the company, and our poor hobbit is having a hard time doing things right, but don't we all love Bilbo in awkward situations? ^^**

**Fili's problem is also showing itself again, so you might be able to find out what's wrong with him if you squint a little ;) Invisible tasty cookies for those who spot it!**

**Well, I won't hold you up any longer, I hope you enjoy! ^^ **

Darkness had already fallen and the rain had mercifully ceased when Thorin decided to make a stop for the night. Having sent Gandalf storming off earlier, he didn't want to risk more eruptions from any other member of his company, and immediately got Bombur to cook their evening meal so as to ease everyone's stomach. He'd be lying to himself if he didn't admit that he was starving! Besides, he knew that they were all exhausted, and that despite wanting to push his company on further, he knew it would end up doing more harm than good, and decided it would be much better if they could all get a little rest before setting off again tomorrow. After all, he supposed he could spare them one night, it wasn't really that vital to their quest, Erebor not going anywhere anytime soon…

After a slight mess, in which everybody kept running into each other, dropping utensils, carrying food and tripping over bags and other things laid out on the floor, the dwarves had somehow managed to organize their belongings in a not too chaotic fashion, and were now sitting around a small fire they'd managed to light. Bombur had also finally succeeded in making a good sized ration for everybody tonight. Although it might not have looked the most appetizing as he stirred the content around with his wooden spoon, Thorin still appreciated the warmth he could feel seeping though his hands as Nori served him the first bowl. It was immensely relaxing, and he could feel the tense muscles he'd worked on throughout the day unwind themselves one after the other.

Just a while ago, Dwalin had come back from the surrounding trees, with enough branches and wood to keep a fire going for at least the whole of the night. He might not have needed it, but Thorin had always been one for taking precautions. He'd also sent both of his nephews tend to the ponies and relieve them from the charges they'd been carrying throughout the day, wanting to make sure their mounts would be fresh for the journey tomorrow..

At the edge of the cauldron, Bofur had just managed to save two bowls of soup for their youngest members from Bombur's prying hands and had been about to go and give it to them himself, but after a moment he thought better of it. Leaving Bombur by the soup would probably mean there'd be none left by the time he came back, a risk he was unwilling to take, knowing the soup was to be shared among fourteen people. By chance, he spotted Mister Baggins just across from him, who'd been worrying over the disappearance of their wizard companion. The poor hobbit really worked himself up too much, so he thought giving him the task of bringing Kili and Fili their evening meal might lift his spirits up, if only a little. He also told Bilbo that they could both come back to the fire, Dwalin having scouted the area earlier and having found nothing lurking around, there was no need to keep them up all night.

Bilbo eagerly accepted, and made his way through the bushes to where they'd left the ponies to rest for the night. As he left, he thought he heard Bofur correcting Bombur about how he'd had plenty of soup already, but he couldn't e sure…

He found both brothers leaning against one of the giant rocks, that just seemed to grow out of the ground, Kili, pipe in hand and smoking leisurely as he laid back against one of them, and his brother just across from him, chewing on some blade of grass. Both were silent, but the general atmosphere around them was relaxing, almost joyful, as usual. He could have sworn Kili's eyes were closed, at least until he got to the pair, then the younger brother seemed to just shoot up, as the smell of the soup invaded the air around them, probably reminding him that one starving stomach that was waiting for its fill.

"Oh! This is one of Bombur's soups, isn't it?" the archer asked eagerly, looking hungrily at the bowl and both hands reaching out to get a hold of it. Bilbo didn't withhold the dish from them any longer, and Kili dived onto his one, almost knocking the poor hobbit off balance as he caught hold of his share. Bilbo stared, a bit dumbfounded, as Kili tilted his head back and simply gulped the whole content of the soup down, as if he hadn't eaten for days. At least, he'd especially appreciated Bombur's cooking, he'd make sure to let the obese dwarf know.

Ever since he'd noticed the smell, Fili had been panicking inside. He didn't want any of Bombur's soup. Not that their cook was a bad one, actually, most of the company kept praising him that they'd never tasted anything better, but he just felt like he couldn't handle it, and he wasn't hungry right now anyway. So when Bilbo held him out his own ration for the night, he'd just stared at the hobbit's arm, not willing himself to look down at whatever was in that bowl. The hobbit eventually gave it to him however, and the blonde was hoping he'd find some way to get rid of it. It really wasn't that Fili had anything against Bilbo or Bombur, he just couldn't take it, knowing he wouldn't be able to keep the content of the bowl down. It was either he managed to get rid of it now, or he'd have to deal with a burning throat later, which he most definitely didn't want. Luck was on his side, as just when he'd been about to lift a shaking spoon to his mouth, one of the ponies snorted, drawing both his brother's and Bilbo's attention away for a moment. Fili used those few seconds, when the two had their heads turned away, to let the bowl rest on the surface next to him before knocking it over, seemingly by accident. He hoped they would buy it.

Bilbo and Kili both looked back at the third member, as they heard the clatter on the floor, noticing Fili had somehow managed to let his bowl slip from his hands. Kili thought he'd need to remind his older brother to maybe turn in for the night now, if he was so tired, Thorin be damned if he wanted to keep them up to watch the ponies.

"Oh!" Bilbo cried in dismay "You can both come help yourselves to more, Thorin told me to inform you that you could both come back for the night!". He picked up Fili's bowl, and quickly headed back to camp before any of the brothers could protest or Fili could even grab his bowl himself.

Kili followed first, Fili slowly trailed behind the two, feeling slightly anxious as they made their way back to the others. How was he going to handle it this time around? He couldn't refuse, he couldn't go and eat by himself either, which would be way too suspicious, and he couldn't empty his bowl at Bilbo's feet, that would simply be rude. Unnoticed to him, his breathing had picked up, as he kept biting his lower lip and clenching and unclenching his hands unconsciously while the trio made their way back, his nails digging into the palms of his hands. Fili looked around wildly, trying to find something that could help him escape, get him away from the others, anything he could use as an excuse but much too soon the blonde found himself in the circle the company had formed, trapped.

He'd barely realized his situation when Bilbo was back in front of him, cheerful as always, with a bowl so full part of the soup was even spilling over the edge. Didn't he want it? Didn't _anybody_ else need it more than him? Fili thought desperately, as he bit the inside of his cheek in an attempt to keep calm. The blonde wasn't in the least bit hungry, and he certainly wasn't ready to let the others in on his little problems, _especially_ when they were all around. The sloshing he could hear was turning in his stomach, and just imagining the taste on his mouth was making him sick. The assaulting smell wasn't helping either, cornering him wherever he looked, closing in everywhere. Between the barrier the others were making and the increasing unsettling feeling rising in the pit of his stomach, Fili just wanted to be alone right now.

Bilbo had put the bowl in his hand, which had started shaking pretty badly, as the dwarf just stared at the spherical object. He couldn't bring himself to take the next step, it was too hard. _Please, please, someone, just take it away!_ He was pleading, begging, wishing all this could just disappear. Fili couldn't do this. Nobody heard his inner struggle however, they were more interested in looking at the odd face Thorin's eldest nephew was making. He was so white he might as well have seen a ghost.

"You alright there laddie?" Balin hesitantly asked, trying not to sound threatening and wanting to make sure nothing was amiss. But he got no answer, safe for the silence lingering in the tense atmosphere, which seemed to slowly push itself onto them more and more heavily. They could all sense it now, that uncomfortable feeling which they could do nothing against.

But Fili wasn't even with them anymore. The only sound he could hear was blood pounding in his ears and a form of inescapable pressure, which seemed to be weighing down on him, crushing him slowly, piece by piece. Adding to that the other dwarves focus and prying eyes, even knowing they meant no harm, it soon became unbearable, aware of the fact that he was the center of attention, almost certain they were bound to ask questions. Questions Fili would most certainly not bother them with.

"Are you sure you're alright Fili?" Bilbo asked quietly, as to not startle his friend. It got Thorin's attention this time though, and the leader of the company turned around, dark eyes looking down on his nephew, wondering what could possibly have gone wrong, now of all times. He hoped it wasn't anything too serious.

But his Uncle's stare was too much. Fili let himself panic, he let his emotions get the better of him.

And then he dropped the bowl, as if he'd been scorched by melting gold of the great forges of Erebor itself, even though his hands had gone completely white by now. He couldn't steal this from the others, especially not Bilbo, who needed more than any of them, what would they think of him? Looking at the remaining members of the company, he noticed how Ori's frame seemed to have shrunken down all of a sudden, and how Bombur looked almost longingly at his empty bowl wishing he could be entitled to more, even how Thorin slightly fingered his spoon between his fingers as he eyed his nephew with uncertainty written all over his face. He just couldn't do it, what kind of prince would he be if he couldn't even think of others before himself? What kind of prince filled himself up while others just looked on longingly, wishing they could share in his privilege? It wasn't fair, he shouldn't be entitled to such a favored treatment.

The blonde didn't want to meet their scornful glares, full of reproach and disappointment. He didn't think he'd be able to face it, not again.

Fili wasn't even thinking straight anymore, being overcome by fatigue and this. Desperate to get free and have some space where he felt he could move in, he pushed an arm out, knocking poor Bilbo off balance and unwillingly sending him crashing to the ground before running off to the only place he'd find any sort of respite, alongside the ponies. He needed to get away from there, needed to get away from the eyes, the pressure, the smell, the questions… just everything. And so he ran, evading the hands that tried to grab his sleeve, not listening to his friends, and how they called for him to come back or asking what the matter was. He even ignored both Thorin and Kili's distressed pleas for him to return, saying they could all talk this out together, that Bilbo hadn't meant anything hurtful by his question. Of course the hobbit hadn't meant anything harmful, Fili didn't blame him in the slightest for what happened.

If he were to blame anyone actually, it ought to be himself, being unable to control his own emotions. What kind of heir did he look like now? Thorin was probably shaking his head in defeat, ashamed, and Kili was no doubt embarrassed at having a brother as childish as he, no doubt wishing he could disown his stupid blood relative.

But right now, with a multitude of thoughts swirling in his head and giving him a headache, so many that he couldn't even grasp a coherent one, he didn't want to face them, Fili didn't want to have to come up with a lie to explain his actions towards the hobbit. He hadn't intended to push him with such force, he couldn't do anything right! What he desperately wanted, _needed_, was air, a chance to have space for himself, to lift the unbearable pressure off his shoulders. Somewhere where he wouldn't be in the way. He just needed to be alone.

He'd managed not have anybody follow him thankfully, and ran out of breath as he reached his little grey pony, which was as calm as ever. The dwarf wished he could be like that too, he envied the beast's ability to stay put. But right now, he couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't take much of anything anymore, and Fili broke down next to his small silver colt, sobbing miserably into its long furry mane as he needed to let all of this out somehow.

_Why am I such a horrible person?_


	10. Family Talk

**Thank you for all the positive feedback on the previous chapter, I'm thrilled to know you're liking the story! :D And so as to say thank you, here's chapter ten for you. **

**RoseJustice's review has also gotten me seriously hesitating whether Fili will eventually tell Thori about his father's treatment, I still can't decide what to do about it! (Grr, so frustrating! ^^). I guess the hurt he feels would be pretty hard to talk about, even to close relatives like Thorin or Kili, especially when it's one you love and look up to that is the cause of the pain, so I think that Fili would have to be somewhat reluctant or he'd have to let a word slip without meaning it if ever Thorin were to know. For those wondering if the two will deal with the issue, the answer is yes, they will, I've got it written already too, but not just yet. Rest assures, our favourite Uncle Thorin will eventually know about this, and about Fili's problems concerning the meals he keeps giving to Bilbo, because deep down, we all know Thorin is a Caring Uncle Figure, and that Bilbo is a friendly hobbit, who both look out for others. :)**

**At Guest's request, I also decided that I could include a little flashback involving Fili and his Father. Okay, technically he isn't getting hurt, but I tried to imply it instead (I know it's a bit like cheating... :P)**

**Well, as usuall, I hope you'll enjoy! :) **

The whole company fell silent, frozen right where they stood and none of them made any sign to move. Fili _never_ acted like this, he'd _never_ given them that look or ran away from them before. Bilbo felt awful, if he hadn't been so insistent, this never would have happened. If he'd just kept a little more to himself, like any respectable Baggins should have, all this could maybe have been avoided. By the time he'd apologized however, there was nobody there anymore, Fili had disappeared.

Bilbo's apology seemed to let the rest of the dwarves out of their state of shock, and each one of them slowly tried to process what had just happened. Kili was the first to fully recover, and had been about to set out in search of his brother when he felt a heavy hand on his shoulder. Turning around, he came face to face with his Uncle.

"Stay here Kili, I'll handle this."

"But-" As always, Kili had to protest, as he tried to evade his Uncle's grip on his arm, which was unyielding but not hurting him. Fili was his brother, and if something was wrong with him, he needed to help him, not stay back and do nothing, it was what brothers were for. He always managed to get something out of the elder anyway, Kili always knew how to break Fili's silence barriers when something went wrong, he'd been doing it for years now.

"No buts Kili, I'll deal with this one." The answer was firm, not leaving room to argue. Kili knew better than to try and argue with his Uncle anyhow, Thorin's use of words was too good, he always managed to disarm his opponents, even if they were his two beloved nephews. Resolutely, the youngest Durin watched as his Uncle strode off in search of his elder brother, hoping that whatever had happened, it hadn't been too bad, and that Thorin might be able to coax him into coming back to them, where they could all return to eating around the fire and joking merrily. However, a part of him still had its doubts.

Bilbo had also been about to go after Fili, feeling extremely bad for his prying questions, but Gandalf stopped him, arguing that it was probably for the best if Thorin deal with it this time. It was something to be sorted out with a family, not with a friend, not yet anyway. Thorin was closer to Fili than Bilbo was, and despite how much the hobbit wanted to help, he saw the reasoning behind the wizard's argument. The dwarves all returned to finishing the cauldron of soup, albeit in a much more quiet fashion than a few minutes ago.

Thorin knew his nephew hadn't gone far, even if he had just ran off, which was completely unlike him. He knew he wouldn't have abandoned them in the middle of nowhere. Even if Fili wasn't quite himself at the present moment, he still knew better than to go wandering off into the woods surrounding them all alone and devoid of weapons (well obstructive weapons, as his nephew somehow always managed to conceal the smallest daggers on his person somehow).

Pushing past the gruff bushes which kept scratching his arms, and stepping on dead branches and snapping twigs, he made his way through the trees, knowing precisely where he was headed to. Thorin finally found Fili exactly where he thought he would, next to the ponies.

His heart ached as he heard the soft crying and the whimpering noises his nephew was making, and by the posture he'd adopted, Thorin guessed he'd been sobbing into his pony's mane ever since he got here. He tried to stop the twist in his gut, to suppress the ball in his throat, but he just couldn't. Seeing his eldest nephew like this, breaking down at a simple meal, he felt so powerless. It was one of the rare moments in his life where the great Thorin Oakenshield was at a loss of what to do. He was a warrior, a skilled fighter, he even had a decent amount of knowledge in any sort of politics and diplomacy, he could get himself out of almost any situation, yet he found all those qualities quite futile when it came to easing his nephew's cries.

What could possibly be wrong with the lad, he couldn't figure. Bilbo, despite finding the hobbit a little troublesome, hadn't harmed him, and he didn't recall their burglar saying anything hurtful. Besides, he knew Bilbo would never offend them out openly, he maybe wasn't the bravest, but he wasn't insulting. His nephew didn't seem to bear any scrapes or scratches either, so he definitely wasn't hurt. What could it be then?

"Fili?" He asked quietly as he slowly approached the younger, but he got no answer.

Thorin discreetly made his way over to the blonde, careful as to not startle him, but the lad didn't even seem to have noticed his uncle was only a few feet away from him. Fili looked so small, surprisingly even smaller than his brother, and Thorin felt a pang of guilt settle deep inside him, _what could possibly be wrong with him? _Thorin squinted his eyes, hoping he may find some scratch, even a small patch of blood, which would explain Fili's need to be alone, but never found any. He was about to inquire out loud what the problem was, hoping Fili might be willing to discuss whatever was amiss with him. However, after a short reflection, hethought better than to say anything, afraid he'd aggravate the poor dwarf's state even further. Fili was never one for admitting his troubles, and Thorin knew better than to force him to speak, his nephew would eventually come to him if he felt he needed to, it had always been like that. It was painful, having to watch the lad suffer alone, but forcing him to speak would not settle the matter, Thorin knew it wasn't how Fili worked. Instead, Thorin decided to put a comforting hand on his nephew's shoulder. Sometimes, actions just worked better than words, even if they didn't come off as reassuring.

Fili turned around instantly as he felt something brush against his loose clothes, and crossed Thorin's stare. Although the elder remained silent, he thought he could read disappointment there, and he immediately started feeling worse again as the weight of his Uncle's gaze pushed more and more on his aching shoulders. There was too much there now, and before he could stop himself, he found that he'd grabbed the front of his Uncle's coat and buried his head in his chest, sobbing all over again. The blonde wanted to stop, he wanted to show Thorin than he didn't need to worry about him, but found that he couldn't control his emotions anymore, and he let them all out. He wouldn't dare speak though, Fili couldn't confide in his Uncle, no matter how much he wished he could. Uncle had other things to worry about than an incapable sister-son.

His nephew's change in attitude startled Thorin. His usually composed nephew, Fili who always knew what was going on around him, didn't look any of that at the moment. The dwarf leader just let the lad take hold of his coat for a while, before feeling the need to do _something_ to help him feel better. If words didn't work, he could always act, and even if he hadn't done this since both Durin boys were dwarflings, he decided to give it a try.

Bringing Fili closer to him, Thorin gently wrapped his arms around his nephew with one hand on the small of his back and the other behind his head, letting him know that he was there for him, and that he didn't need to say anything if he didn't feel up to it. He could have sworn his nephew was shaking, as he clung to him like a lifeline, but Thorin didn't mind. He wasn't acting as the great Thorin Oakenshield at the moment. Right now, he was just Uncle Thorin, the uncle Fili needed. During the silence, he started questioning his decisions too, maybe bringing Kili and Fili along with him hadn't been a very good idea after all, maybe his brother-in-law had been right when he'd said they were still too young for this sort of thing…

"Fili?" he asked gently after a while, noticing the sobbing had stopped but still hearing hitched breaths. He didn't get any answer. "Fili, are you feeling any better? What happened back there?" Thorin asked quietly, holding onto his nephew's shoulders and looking down at him, kindly.

"I… I'm not s-sure Uncle" Fili stammered. To be honest, he couldn't figure out why he'd let himself crumble like that, especially in front of everyone. Maybe he'd been keeping too much inside and the built up emotions just needed out. It had felt good on the spot, and right now with Thorin's arms wrapped around him, making him feel safe, but realizing what exactly he'd done, he just felt shame. "I guess I'm just tired, and wasn't in my right state of mind. I'm s-sorry." Without being the truth, it wasn't exactly a lie either. Fili hated having to keep things from his Uncle, but _this_ was not something he could talk about, not with Thorin, not with Kili, not even with Bilbo, not with anybody.

Thorin didn't want to start an argument, not now, when they all needed to just cool off. "Why don't you go and get some sleep? Looks like you need it. If ever you don't feel well, don't hesitate to ask Oin." he suggested after a while, giving a light squeeze to Fili's shoulder, encouraging him to take his advice. A good night's sleep would do them all the world of good, he reflected.

Fili nodded, and they both made their way back to the others, Thorin with one hand remaining on his nephew's shoulder and Fili wiping the tears away, unwilling to let the others know he'd been crying, it would be too embarrassing. Dwalin having scouted around earlier, and not having noticed anything that could prove itself threatening, Thorin decided that the ponies could do without somebody watching over them for one night at the very least, he knew they wouldn't run off, and even if they did need somebody to guard them, he definitely wasn't going to assign the task to Fili, the lad needed rest above anything else right now.

He watched in silence as Fili made way to his coat, which was spread on the ground, and rearranged his bags so he could rest his head against them, before curling up on himself and slowly trying to nod off. He followed the others, who had started to settle in for the night, and drew his protection over his shoulders, before silently dozing off himself.

If Fili gave the appearance he was sleeping, seemingly peaceful with his eyes closed, inside, he most certainly _wasn't_. He was still afraid, scared, of what he'd done, wasting Thorin's precious time by making him feel concerned over _him_. Oh, he liked his Uncle, he really did, but despite knowing Thorin was trying to help him, he still felt as lonely as ever, even if his Uncle's words or mere presence had always been a source of comfort.

_The sun had already been falling when Dwalin had finally called their day quit. Fili was exhausted, learning how to wield two swords was definitely most tiring, especially for a dwarfling, but he'd never complain out loud, or he knew these lessons would come to an end, something he hoped would not have to happen before a long time, at least until he was an accomplished warrior, and even then, keeping up practicing with Dwalin could only prove to be helpful._

_As he pushed the door to the house open, escaping the biting cold and the freezing snow which had been falling for hours now, Fili immediately caught the scent of what must have been roasted meat, and needless to say, it smelled especially good. He'd been about to trudge into the kitchen, letting his nose be his guide, when a looming figure came out of it, looking down at him. Instantly the blonde's breathing quickened, and he winced as he took a step back, feeling a bruise on his jaw suddenly ache again, one he had _not_ acquired with Dwalin. Father was there._

"_I'll be needing good sized logs for the fire tonight, lad. If I were you, I'd get to it, _now_. Wouldn't want to let Mother get cold when she comes in with your Uncle, would we? " And he raised his eyebrows in the intimidating fashion only he knew how to use perfectly, as he crossed both strong arms across his broad chest, taking a threatening step forward._

_Fili didn't dare protest, not when it was Father "asking". He didn't want to go back outside, where he was sure he'd lose one of his fingers to the chilling gusts of wind, but he'd learnt that arguing with Father tended to have quite painful consequences, and he didn't think his tired limbs could put up with it tonight. His arm was still sore from last night's grip, and the pain from the red burn on it hadn't dulled down yet. He'd rather face the biting cold than a blazing flame. _

_Besides, he soon found himself believing that it wasn't all that bad. Fili thought of Mother's smile when he'd come in with a load of wood they could all use to keep warm, and how Kili would jump and beg to be the one to light the fire, he was even looking forward to see Father chuckle at his little brother's enthusiasm. But most of all, maybe Uncle Thorin would have arrived by then. Mother had said he might drop by for the evening, and both Kili and he had been thrilled at the news. Uncle Thorin was always a source of smiles and good times, for everyone. Things weren't that grim, really._

_What felt like hours later, with aching shoulders and frozen fingers, Fili pushed the door open as he carried in the logs his Father had asked of him. The blonde deposited them in a neat heap next to the dying fire they'd already had going, before turning back. He passed by the kitchen, but hesitated at the doorway. Looking in, he could see Kili laughing, with Father ruffling his hair and Mother chuckling as she went about the room, putting dishes away and organizing whatever she could see, she was always so meticulous. Fili wanted to go in, and almost ordered his feet to do the movement for him, but something kept him pinned in place. This was how it was meant to be. They'd always meant to be three, not four. He'd always been an extra, a spare, they didn't need him here. Besides, if he went in, Father would lose his smile, and he'd interrupt Kili's good time. Fili wouldn't do that to his brother. _

_Head down, the blonde made his way up to his own room, where he was certain he wouldn't be bothering anybody and sought out the comfort of the only place he'd ever known to find any, books._

_He'd been engrossed in whatever story he'd managed to find when he heard the commotion downstairs: Uncle Thorin was here! Fili's heart lifted immediately and without thinking twice, the blonde jumped off his bed. Skidding across the room, he caught hold of the door handle, where he calmed down a little, and then it happened all over again. He couldn't go down there. He wanted to, but Father hadn't said he could. As quick as the smile had been to appear, it faded away. Fili wasn't wanted down there, Uncle had his priorities anyway._

_Thorin hadn't stopped grinning since the front door had been opened for him. He hadn't even managed to set a foot into the house when he found a mop of dark brown hair in his arms. Kili had always been the spontaneous kind of lad, and as he clutched Thorin's coat like there was no tomorrow, the dwarf ruffled his head, smiling as he heard the playful cries of protest. It was good to be here._

_After much convincing on his sister's part, a very reluctant Kili backed away, to let his Father welcome his brother-in-law, whom Thorin was very happy to see again. The dwarf let himself be dragged into the kitchen, where a most tempting plate was waiting nicely for him. Just the smell was enough to open the tired Uncle's appetite._

_Sitting down, and looking back up at the other three, eyes darting from one cheerful face to another, Thorin suddenly realized one of his favorite nephews was missing from the picture._

"_Is Fili not here?" _

_Kili was the one to inform him that his brother must have felt a little tired, and Dis's husband said the lad was upstairs, probably sleeping in his room, adding that he'd had a long day's work with Dwalin. If he'd been running around with the warrior all day, there was no doubt about it then, he was more than likely exhausted._

_Kili had decided to keep his Uncle company at the table, after his father had left them both together. Thorin listened intently to the lad, who was proudly going on about how he was getting better and better at using the bow Father had gotten him for his last birthday. His Uncle was proud, Kili was an exceptionally skilled child, for his age, and was glad to know all seemed well. The dark haired boy was excellent company for discussions, on anything really, always the enthusiastic one who could go on chatting for hours and hours. _

_Once he felt like he could no longer take another mouthful, despite how good the meal was, Kili offered to look after the dishes, saying Thorin would probably be needing some much wanted rest after making his way here. Thorin agreed, but instead of heading to the living room, he made his way up the stairs, to a certain nephew he hadn't seen yet. He smiled as his sister's husband was seemingly coming down from the room he'd been heading to, thanking his host for his good hospitality. _

_Fili had been quietly reading for a while now, Father having threatened him not to come down, unless he wished for his belt, which the blonde tried to avoid, promising he'd stay up here as long as it was required of him. Besides, Father's bruising grip on his arm as he ordered him to stay in his room had been enough to dissuade the child from going down. He didn't want any more scars to add to the collection Father had already given him. So lost in his book he hadn't even heard the commotion downstairs. Besides, nobody had opened his door yet, so he wasn't needed with the others anyway. He was used to it by now anyhow, even if he hated the lonely feeling. He often went up to read so the others could spend time together, so that Father could be happy with the family he wanted to have._

_Despite being engrossed in his book, he heard his door open, and looked up, expecting Father or maybe even Kili, to let him know he could come down. But it was neither one nor the other. It took the blonde a second to analyze who was there, and the instant after recognizing the face, he'd already jumped off his bed, so glad to have _someone_._

"_Uncle Thorin!" Uncle Thorin's arms around him were always the best hugs he'd ever had, and the warm hand ruffling his wild hair allowed Fili to grip Thorin's coat even tighter. Everything was always better when Uncle was here._

_Despite how his Uncle's hands kept unconsciously pressing against sore bruises on his back and how his stomach rumbled rather loudly as he clutched the older dwarf, Fili didn't dare break the moment, knowing Uncle's display of affection for him had become a rare thing indeed. Besides, he could put up with anything if it was to have Uncle Thorin with him, just him, even if it was only for a few moments._


	11. Concealing Worries

**I've started realizing that I'm kind of deviating from the original idea I had for this story (but don't plans always change? ^^), so I'll try and include Bilbo a little more from now on, if I can. **

**On an other note, thank you all for following so far, and I really hope I'll be able to keep up a satisfying story for you. :)**

Fili woke up early the next morning, after an uneasy night. Sleep had not come to him as fast as he would have liked, and as he waited for it to carry him away, he'd had time processing all the trouble he'd given to the company. He felt frustrated with himself, for causing so much damage around, and worrying Thorin. Although his uncle didn't say it out loud, deep down, Fili knew he was probably worried over his heir, and Fili didn't want his uncle to lose focus of their goal. They were on this journey to reclaim Erebor, not to cuddle and fuss around Fili. He decided he'd need to be more careful from now on, and try not to give the others any chance to make him the center of attention again. Last night's break down had been bad enough, no need for more…

After sitting up and rubbing sleep out of his eyes, he noticed he'd been the first to wake among the company. He'd always been a light sleeper, unlike his brother who could sleep through an apocalypse, which maybe explained it… There was no point in staying down now, unless he wished to have an aching back for the rest of the day, which would only be a hindrance if they were to continue riding, so he decided to make himself useful.

Knowing the others would probably be needing a fire once they woke up, the dwarf thought he might as well make one now, besides, he felt freezing cold himself. It puzzled him, because winter was still leagues away, and there was neither wind nor rain there to bother them. Maybe it was just him then… After getting the fire going, he curled up next to it, trying to get as much heat as possible out of it as he extended his hands as close as he could to the warmth, still trying to keep a safe distance between him and the flames.

He didn't know how long he'd been like that, staring into the orange glow which was strangely comforting and slowly warming his icy fingers, when he heard a slight rustling behind him, before Bilbo sat down quietly to his left.

"You don't look too good, you sure you're all right?" The hobbit could see that Fili didn't look very well, catching the dark circles under his eyes and the ashen-colored skin. Fili looked as if he hadn't slept in days actually. Truth be told, he'd started noticing the blonde seemed somewhat off, he was definitely hiding _something _but despite trying to read him, Bilbo soon found that Fili was too good at mastering his expressions. He couldn't read him. Oh, he knew _something_ was wrong, it was plainly evident to him now, but he knew better than to ask his friend out openly about it. Fili, despite being one of the dwarves with whom he spent the most time, and one of the ones who had been extremely nice to him, still held some reservations, Bilbo knew. He wished he could gain the lad's full trust, that he could feel safe enough with the hobbit to unburden himself, but the swordsman still seemed somewhat reluctant.

"Me?" Fili had been totally caught off-guard. Had he _really_ become that easy to read? If Bilbo knew something was off with him, then the blonde suddenly knew he must have let _something_ slip. Damn! Fili hadn't wanted any of them to spare their concern over him, knowing people like Ori or Bilbo would need it more. He was relatively fine anyway, meaning he knew he wasn't concealing any bruises…Yet. However, between lying to the others and finding ways to escape spending time around them in the evenings, particularly around dinners, it was getting harder and harder. After all, there were only a limited number of excuses he could use. And when all his options ran out, he knew that eventually they'd all know, and Fili wasn't looking forward to Thorin discovering it, almost certain that he'd probably receive one stern lecture, but he just couldn't eat with them anymore. It was too difficult.

Bilbo, he knew was concerned for him out of friendship, because both had become good companions along the way. It was nice of the hobbit, to spare time to look out for _him, _Fili really did appreciate it, but there were others Bilbo could see to more. Ori was the youngest, he deserved more attention than him, Ori was the one who needed reassurance, needed the others to be there for him. Despite having Dori constantly fuss around him, the scribe needed _others_ too.

"Don't worry Bilbo, I'm fine!" he brushed off lightly. Fili decided to lie. He knew it wasn't very honest, especially for a dwarf from the honorable line of Durin, but he couldn't let Bilbo in on this, despite how much he wanted to be able to just _talk_ openly with someone. "Just didn't sleep very well." He added, to cover up any suspicions the hobbit could have. True, although he had slept a little all the same, his body felt completely exhausted, and Fili was still trying to figure out _why_. They hadn't even used that much energy, having only been sitting on the ponies, while the animals had done most of the work. Yet, as the days dragged on, he could feel himself getting weaker and weaker, despite sleeping as much as he could. It might not have come off as much when he'd first noticed it, but the blonde was definitely beginning to get concerned, _why_ was it happening to him?

Bilbo remained silent, and shifted away slightly. He might not be the smartest hobbit around, but he knew when someone was lying, and Fili was definitely _lying_. But why would the blonde feel the _need_ to lie to them? To his friends? To people he could trust? Surely if something was wrong, he'd speak up about it, right? Bilbo bit his lip, as he stared at the small chunk of bread he'd been given, Fili had been acting strangely for a while now, he'd noticed. He wouldn't say it out loud, knowing better than to alarm the others, but as a friend, he took it upon himself to keep watch. It was only just little things here and there, but the hobbit had started to notice when Thorin's nephew would claim he needed a walk when Bombur would be in the middle of cooking their evening meal, he'd seen the lad in the corner of his eye as he'd sometimes go off somewhere by himself after dinner, or just sometimes how he'd sleep right through their meals. The burglar was starting to get a little concerned, but surely somebody else had seen this too, right? He needn't worry about it, Thorin would certainly see to it himself. But _if_ ever Fili fell too far, Bilbo still wanted to be there, to be able to give him a hand to pull him back up if he needed it, although he strongly doubted it would ever go that far, Fili was fine anyway he thought, chuckling lightly. How fast he'd come to care for this odd group, Bilbo found himself admitting suddenly.

The others were finally making a move to get up. One by one, the other dwarves all stretched, yawned, put their jackets or belts back on, and came sitting around the source of warmth in a circle. Bombur gave each member of the company a small piece of bread to start the day off with, Thorin having told them to be careful with the amount of supplies, saying they needed to make them last as long as possible.

Fili wasn't really hungry, but nibbled at the offered food none the less, knowing he'd be needing it for their day's ride if he didn't want to fall of his pony. At least the rain had stopped, to everyone's benefit, and they would probably be making better timing today.

Thorin, who came back after checking their mounts so as to make sure that they wouldn't be forgetting anything, sat down across from them, saying that today they would try and go a little further. He seemed to be in a slightly better mood than yesterday, and Fili supposed that the night's sleep had done most of them good. To his relief, his Uncle didn't even seem to recall last night's short conversation, which was all the better, because Fili really didn't want to give Thorin means to fret over his well being, he was _fine_ anyway, or at least, he tried to convince himself he was.

Indeed, the dwarf leader felt much more composed this morning, and didn't want to press his followers for the time being for fear they might push themselves too far, and Thorin wouldn't stand for that. They'd all agreed to help him on this quest to reclaim Erebor, their homeland by right, and Thorin desperately wanted to see the kingdom back in dwarven hands again, but he'd promised himself he wouldn't do it at the expense of anyone's health, including the hobbit.

Soon enough, they were all on their way once more, with some of the party talking among themselves, others staying quiet and reserved. It gave their leader a little time to himself and his own thoughts. Bilbo he found, was for now much more trouble than he was worth, but it wasn't in Thorin's nature to punish people who got on his nerves. He'd seen dwarves suffer punishment, he'd seen the horrors his people had endured in the hands of Azog the Defiler, and he'd sworn to himself to never fall that low. Yes, they may be losing time by not making haste, and yes, they might be losing a precious hour or two, but he'd rather they all arrive in good shape to their destination than as broken limping skeletons barely clinging to life.

His grandfather, Thrór, had been a good king, Thorin had admired him and had always held up a deep respect for his elder. It had been agonizing to him, witnessing his descent into madness. One day, Thrór had been a caring family member, the next, he'd become a cold being, no longer recognizable, even by his kin. Thorin had still stayed by his side, desperately hoping that someday Thrór would come back to his senses, leave his gold to see in Thorin a grandson, a boy who needed a grandfather, but Thrór never did, and as time went by, he lost so much of what _made_ him Thrór, that the heir to Erebor could no longer identify him as family.

Ever since that day, he'd developed this terror of being affected by what the dwarves called "dragon sickness", he'd sworn to himself that when he reclaimed his homeland, he'd not fall to the same fate, he couldn't bare making Kili and Fili face that feeling of helplessness that he'd felt so long ago, knowing someone you loved was just inches away from you, yet at the same time, you and that same person were leagues apart. It still hurt sometimes, when he thought about it, and it just redoubled his conviction that he'd fight the madness, if only for his nephew's sakes.

Coming out of his slight daydream, Thorin noticed they'd entered some forest. He didn't like it, he didn't like any kind of forest. Trees always reminded him of the elves, and elves kept bringing him back to a certain king, and his betrayal. The place was calm, almost too calm, and it put him on edge. The dwarf leader looked around anxiously, expecting one of those giant spiders of the forests of Mirkwood to jump out at them any minute, yet none ever came.

The wind whistled through the trees, lifting up bundles of dead leaves from the ground, sending them twirling around them, as if they were trying to trap the dwarves, keep them prisoner of the forest. Thorin looked around uneasily, at the long branches that seemed to reach out, almost grabbing them as if they were huge claws, and the rippling of some stream far off, which resonated in his ears, like a beast's growl. He wanted out, he wanted to be out in the plains again, even if it meant putting himself and the others in danger, he couldn't stand the oppressing feeling that weighed more and more heavily on his shoulders as minutes passed by.

Soon enough, they came to a narrow passage, and he almost gave an audible groan as they would have to go and see for themselves if they could continue without the ponies, seeing how small the space left for them to move about was. Of course, he got no protests from the others, being their leader, and as they left their mounts in the small clearing, they all followed Thorin one after the other, deep into the passageway.

Pushing branch after branch, they ended up finding the end of the interminable rows of trees. Fili found himself to be exhausted already, and they'd only been walking. What on earth was _wrong_ with his body? Why was it betraying him like this? Stepping a little aside of his other companions, the blonde tried to get his hitched breathing under control, he tried to get rid of whatever was happening to him. And then it happened again. The awful burning sensation was back in his throat, he needed to get away, _now, _he needed to get rid of what he'd eaten this morning_. _The trees would give him ample cover for that, and Fili prayed nobody would follow him. He started backing away slowly, discreetly making his way to a patch of isolated plants.

Once there, he allowed himself to panic as he crashed to his knees. Making sure nobody was around him, and feeling his quick breakfast rise in the back of his throat, Fili let it out. The burning feeling was awful, and the taste left in his mouth after the heaving was most unpleasant, but at least, he knew he'd managed to get rid of the food, he'd managed to get rid of what his frame could not stomach. It might not have totally calmed his nerves, but Fili could see that he still held _some_ kind of control over how he felt, he was still mastering his slowly crumbling body. And for now, it was all that mattered to him.

However, staying apart from the others was bound to raise their suspicions, and the blonde wasn't ready to let any of them in on this. They didn't need to know anyway, it wasn't dangerous, and he still had many years to spend before entering Mahal's halls. Recomposing himself, and hoping they wouldn't ask any questions, he trudged back to the others, whom he found had not moved since his little escapade.

Bilbo was the only one to have noticed Fili, seemingly joining them out of nowhere, and the black circles under the blonde's eyes definitely set the hobbit's alarm bells off. If it were just he and Thorin's nephew, he would have confronted him directly, and despite how unpleasant it would have come off as, he probably would have forced answers out of the lad too. But Bilbo was just a hobbit, he wasn't the one who could knock some sense into Fili's brain, Thorin was the only one who could do so, and right now, their leader was _not_ in the mood for Bilbo's questions. The hobbit bit his lip, he couldn't leave his friend like this much longer, he needed to have the lad's uncle see to him as soon as he could. Despite still being rather nervous when it came to speaking with the stern warrior, Bilbo decided that as soon as he'd get the chance, he'd take Thorin aside to express his concerns, even if it would cost him his curly hobbit locks.

Thorin, miles away from the thoughts that were plaguing Bilbo, had been about to order his companions to go back for the ponies, so they could maybe try and cross all this countryside a little quicker than by using their feet, when he heard an all too familiar, bone-chilling growl. But it wasn't just any cry.

That was unmistakably a warg. And where wargs were concerned, orcs were too. This was _definitely_ not looking good.


	12. A Most Unwelcome Hideout

**Thank all of you new followers, it's great knowing that this story has somewhat grabbed your attention among all of those out there, I hope I'll be able to live up to what people are expecting for this. I'm aware that I've sort of strayed away from what I'd originally intended this to be, so I'll try and go back to my first plans from now on if I can, don't know if I'll be able to keep up a coherent story though ^^'**

**Well, I think we're almost half way through, and I'll try and get Bilbo into action soon, because our favorite hobbit can't just sit around, can he? **

**Without further delay, I hope you'll enjoy the next installment :)**

The implication of the howl had just settled in Thorin's nerves. They were being chased, somebody knew of their quest! Somebody who wanted them dead by the looks of it. But how-How was it possible that they be spotted so soon? He hadn't let word slip of this quest, safe to people he could trust his life with. There was no way he could have been betrayed! And yet… Things only got worse when he heard a distressed cry from Ori.

"The ponies are gone, they bolted!" Now of all times! They needed them if they were to outrun the beasts, who had surely caught their smell by now. This was _not_ looking good.

"We've got no choice, we must move on Thorin!" Gandalf cried, anxious himself, and hoping he could push the dwarves on. He knew of a place in which they may be able to find shelter, but they needed to go out into the open first, and even if it was sure to attract their pursuers attention, it was their only chance. Otherwise, they were going to be trapped between the trees, where the beasts would surely close in on them.

The wizard led the company out of the shelter the trees had offered them, spotting a first great rock among many others that seemed to be scattered all over the plain, far beyond sight even. It wasn't much but they may be able to hide behind it. Urging the dwarves and Bilbo to follow him, they made it safely to the first one. It was a start.

Bilbo's blood was pounding in his ears. Wargs! They were being chased by _wargs_ and orcs! He'd grown up on enough stories about them to know he did _not_ want to be facing one. Even if he was surrounded by warriors, there was just no way he could convince himself that any of these dwarves could take on one of those beasts! They wouldn't survive it! Not even Dwalin, who was by far the strongest here…

Gandalf peered out from their hiding place, seeing the wargs run off straight ahead of them, to the north. Good. They might just pass unnoticed if he got them to move fast enough. Indeed, this was going to require a lot of speed on the taxed dwarves' part. He felt awful for pushing them so much, but the situation didn't leave him any other choice.

"Come on!" he beckoned them, as he took a deep breath before going out.

And so they made their way, running from rock to rock amidst the terrible howling and grunting of the beasts around them, just hoping they would manage to escape. They still tried to use the nature around them to hide them, when they could, and Thorin desperately hoped none of his companions would fall behind.

Casting a quick glance to them, he saw Gloin and Bofur among the first, who were just behind him. A little gap and then followed Bombur, Balin, Oin, and Bifur with the hobbit among them, Dori and Ori were side by side, then Kili, Dwalin and Nori and Fili closed the group.

Although he could see that his eldest nephew was having a hard time keeping up with the others, as if running were in fact painful for him. As Thorin took cover behind another rock, he saw him cough up, and figured that he was actually _pushing_ himself to catch up.

He suddenly felt a knot of dread settle in his stomach. He'd seen how his nephew had been rather quiet lately, even acting a little off, but he'd thought it was only a phase, that he'd snap out of it. He couldn't bring himself to think that something was _wrong_ with him. But seeing the blonde dwarfling just struggling to keep up with them, when he clearly should be one of the fittest, _something_ was wrong, he knew it. Thorin bit his lip, sensing Fili's suffering, and promised himself that once he got the chance, he'd have a talk with him, and he'd get Fili to tell him whatever the matter was, whether he wanted to or not. He was his Uncle, he should be looking out for his family as well as all of them here.

Looking back ahead, he skidded to a stop just in time to see wargs pass them by, not a short distance away, but luckily not spotting them, and on Gandalf's advice, he got the others to gather around him, not wanting to lose any of them. If they stayed together, they probably would have better chances of getting out of this with just minor scratches than if they spread out.

They turned back on their tracks, they ran anew, and made it to another hiding spot. They managed to all stay covered, safe for the young Ori who skidded passed them. Luckily, Thorin's reflexes jumped in, and he managed to catch their scribe before he be spotted by their predators. None had time to catch their breath however, Gandalf urging them forth once more, and as his eldest nephew passed him, Thorin noticed how he kept on coughing. Anxiety rising again, he looked desperately at Fili's retreating form, wanting to talk to him right now, but knew he couldn't. It tore him, as he'd promised to himself that he wouldn't let anyone's health come second to their quest, but he couldn't do anything right now.

"Where are you leading us?" He asked to Gandalf apprehensively, not entirely trusting the wizard. He'd brought them out here, where they were now chased by beasts twice their size, was he planning on getting them all killed?

Being a wizard, and being a complicated one at that, Gandalf just gave him a look, but didn't answer. Thorin was frustrated, how could he trust their guide if he couldn't let him in on what the wizard was thinking? Regardless, he followed, eager to be out of danger's way.

After much panting, Fili and his brother had made it to the next rock, and he leaned against it, not caring in the slightest about the wargs anymore. His lungs were killing him, he couldn't go on much longer, and his stomach was protesting violently against the running. He couldn't even catch his breath properly, and kept coughing as he tried to fill his lungs with air once more. Kili had rested a hand on his shoulder, and had been looking over him, concerned, and Bilbo was giving him an inquisitive stare, but Fili couldn't explain anything right now, they had _much_ more dangerous things to worry about, like wargs for example. He felt his breath catch in his throat as he heard the distinct footsteps of one of those creatures above them, slowly climbing the rock they were currently leaning against, probably trying to spot them in the distance. They were going to be caught!

The entire company fell silent, deathly silent, after seeing just how close one of those foul beasts was to them. They couldn't move either though, risking to be pranced on if they so much as took a step in any direction. It was Thorin who found a remedy to their problem, as he eyed to Kili, telling him silently to shoot the creature down with his bow. The younger Durin eagerly obeyed, and before the orc's beast could register what had happened, it was sprawled dead at the dwarves feet, Dwalin and Bofur finishing off the orc mounted atop of it. He regretted the decision instants later when he heard more howling closer than he would have liked, and urged his companions on on Gandalf's command once more.

Fili felt like he was carrying weapons for a whole army, he couldn't keep up for much longer. He was already at the end of the line. His body felt too small to contain the amounts of air he needed, and if they didn't find shelter soon, he was certain he'd drop dead, regardless whether he could continue or not. His lungs were about to burst, and he didn't have the energy he needed to keep up with the others. His throat was raw, as if he'd been screaming for hours, and the precious air that he kept taking in felt as if it stuck to his throat instead of making it's way down to his lungs.

Thorin kept going forward, hoping beyond what was reasonable that the wizard would be able to get them out of this one, but lost all of it when he heard countless howls from all around him, knowing they were surrounded. Each dwarf had tried a different direction, and they'd all came back, forming a circle, and drawing their arms out. They wouldn't go down without a fight.

This was it, Bilbo thought, they were going to die, devoured by a pack of orcs. Gandalf could no longer be seen, and he felt (much like the others) utterly helpless without him. He'd thought he'd at least make it to the mountains, that he'd at least make it to Erebor. Maybe he wouldn't have lived to see the dwarves heritage, but he'd thought he'd at least see the outside of their kingdom. But he'd been wrong, they were going to meet their end out here, where nobody would ever find them, lost to the world.

He heard Kili's arrows fly. He heard Dwalin's war cry as he readied himself. He heard Fili cry that they were trapped as he was the last to join the little group they'd formed. He heard Kili shoot another arrow. He heard the others yell in dismay as they saw that Gandalf had abandoned them. He saw Thorin rally his loyal friends, as he summoned them to hold their ground. But they were not going to make it.

"This way, you fools!" Gandalf! So he hadn't left them!

Eagerly, Thorin urged all of his followers and kin to run towards the wizard, desperately wishing that he'd found some means of escape, and indeed he had. Making sure they all made it safely between the opening the rocks formed, Bofur, Bilbo, Balin, Gloin and all the others, he looked around one last time, before calling back both of his nephews who'd stayed behind to hold off the animals.

Kili made it to him first, panting, and Thorin pushed him into the crevasse, making sure he was safe. Fili came next, coughing up again, and his Uncle pushed him by the shoulder, trying to be gentle, before sliding down himself, and entering the darkness of the small grotto.

Gandalf led the way and one by one the dwarves followed. However, Thorin held on to Fili's arm at the end, noticing his nephew was still coughing which clearly wasn't normal.

"Fili? Are you okay?" He knew his nephew wasn't, it was a silly question, but he needed Fili to know he could talk to Thorin if ever there was a problem.

"I'm fine Uncle, please don't worry yourself" the blonde replied quietly after catching his breath. They needed to move on and get away from the immediate danger if they were to keep on, and he gently moved back, letting Thorin take the head of his company once more. The leader made his way back to his place, but not before swearing to himself that once they got a minute of respite, he'd see to Fili personally.

They all stopped however as they heard horns from above, but they were not human horns, that was certain. Each one of them stood deathly quiet, just waiting as the ruckus passed and as they heard horse hoofs fading away in the distance after a while, they were about to go out again when a corpse fell right through the hole making the entrance to their hideout.

The dead orc rolled to their feet, and everybody took a step away, disgusted at the remains that had fallen through the dust. Thorin walked forward however, noticing the embedded arrow in the flesh and pulled it out… only to throw it away as he realized that it was elven made, meaning they'd been saved by those creatures. Gandalf gave him a look, but right now he couldn't bring himself to care about what the wizard thought of his feelings towards the woodland beings.

They all started moving again as Dwalin found a path carved into the rock. He felt unfamiliar with this kind of mineral, and kept looking around, hoping he could find some sense of direction, figure out where they were heading, but the dwarf king could not. He trusted they'd be able to face any obstacle if the need arises anyway, and kept moving forth. Soon enough, they indeed found the end of the passageway, and all laid eyes on the spectacle offered in front of them.

Thorin thought he would have killed Gandalf right there. It had always been in his plan. _Imladris._ Didn't the wizard just understand that he wanted nothing to do with the elves? Why bring him here then, of all places possible!

"This was your plan all along! To seek refuge with our enemy!" Thorin spat. Didn't Gandalf understand anything?! He couldn't trust the elves, not anymore, not after Thranduil's betrayal a lifetime ago.

"You have no enemies here, Thorin Oakenshield. The only ill-will to be found in this valley is that which you bring yourself."Their guide corrected sternly. Of course Gandalf had known that if he'd asked Thorin about seeking Elrond's home as a refuge, he'd have refused, being a stubborn person. But he also knew that if he were to get information out of the map Thorin possessed, he'd need the help of the elves. Besides, they all needed rest, and a place certain to be devoid of foes couldn't be too bad for one night.

"You think the elves will give our quest their blessing? They will try to stop us!" Thorin was getting more and more angry by the minute. He was half thinking he'd rather face the orcs again than go to the elves, but deep down he knew the others needed rest, and wouldn't put their health on the line if he could help it.

"Of course they will. But we have questions that need to be answered." Gandalf argued, and as always he won. Thorin could see the reasoning behind the wizard's actions, and despite not wanting in the slightest to meet elves, he couldn't deny he needed their help. He sighed, defeated, and followed the others as they made their way down to the elven kingdom. This was indeed going to be difficult.

Bilbo was unconsciously biting his lip in worry. He'd heard Gandalf and Thorin arguing, and quite frankly, he'd started having enough of the problems that kept appearing in this company of dwarves. He knew their leader was a reasonable person, but how would he possibly react in the company of elves?

He followed last, behind Nori and Fili, who'd trailed at the end of the company, and once again, the hobbit's concerns rose. Now that he had the chance, he was definitely going to speak to Thorin, even if it were to cost him his hobbit locks.


	13. Thorin, An Uncle Before A King

**Wow, I can honestly say I'm flattered by the amount of followers for this story, thank you so much! I really hope you're enjoying this! :)**

**Okay, I've gone a bit over this chapter, and it's actually a lot longer than I'd initially planned, but honestly, I think nobody will mind. ;) Bilbo, our favorite hobbit, has finally decided to take matters into his own hands and decided to seek out Angry Master Thorin for a chat, because they really need one...**

**I know Thorin technically doesn't become "friends" with Bilbo until the end of the movie, but because of the narrative of this 'fic, I decided I could make him nicer towards Mister Baggins a little earlier than in the canon movie, I hope you won't mind!**

**Well, on we go! :)**

Thorin had eaten a small meal on his own that night, not feeling like being in the company of others right now. He didn't like the walls that had offered him refuge, he'd hated the way lord Elrond had invited the dwarves for dinner, and even more the way everyone in his company had seemed enthusiastic about it.

After much convincing from Gandalf's part, he'd gotten Elrond to read the map he'd brought with him, on which the elven lord had found moon runes. Luckily, the moon itself had been right for them that night, and the lord of Imladris had indeed been able to read the two hundred year old map. They learned that to enter the mountain, they'd need to find the hidden keyhole with the last light of Durin's day if they were ever to make it back to their homeland. Ill news indeed, this didn't leave them much time at all! Gandalf left them after a few words with Elrond, and Balin claimed he needed a short walk, so as to ease his own worries, before he'd go and join the others at the table.

Thorin had been about to seek some place where he would be alone when Bilbo caught his sleeve, very hesitantly. He turned around, slightly startled at the hobbit's actions.

Bilbo didn't know how to say it, but it was now or never, Thorin needed to see him. The hobbit didn't know if the rest of the company had noticed, but _he_ had, and he _needed_ Thorin to see to it, because he _could_. It wasn't something Bilbo could do.

He'd let Fili's odd behavior slip at the start, thinking it had only been a phase, or because the lad was simply tired. But as his brain added the incident with the soup, the talk he'd had with the blonde before they'd been chased by the beasts and the fact that he'd been falling behind as they'd been running, the hobbit could see the lad _needed_ help. And while the burglar wished he could be the one to give it, he knew this had to come from Thorin, there was no other dwarf that could snap Fili out of whatever he'd been doing to himself, not even Kili. He knew the brothers were close, and while he was also aware of the fact that Kili loved his elder brother, as was normal, he wasn't an authoritative figure, he wouldn't be able to force Fili into changing. Thorin would however, at least he hoped.

However, this was putting Bilbo in a delicate situation. He knew the others probably hadn't realized what was going on, so none of them would be the ones to make Thorin see to his nephew. The burglar knew this rested on his shoulders, and while he knew that what he was doing was the right thing, it didn't make it any easier, as Thorin still made him feel uneasy. Formulating this was _not_ going to be a piece of cake, especially to an irritated dwarf with his arms crossed over his broad chest, giving him a most discouraging look.

"Thorin… I don't know how to put this. But…" Oh god, how was he going to say this? Fili's sick? No, not exactly what it was. Fili doesn't eat? No, too blunt. Your nephew is unstable? Definitely no! Way out of line! Bilbo really hated having to do this now, he wasn't good with words! "Fili wasn't at dinner earlier, he stayed in the room Lord Elrond offered us." There, he'd said it. It might not have been the way he'd wanted to formulate it but… Oh well. The dwarf in front of him would understand, right?

Thorin raised an eyebrow, had the hobbit really come all this way just to tell him _this_? Bilbo was definitely most odd then. If Fili wanted time alone, he was entitled to have it, he could always come join them later, when he felt rested enough. Why should the burglar be so worried? "What of it?" he asked, shrugging his shoulders, eager to go rest his tired legs himself.

Bilbo was frustrated then, was the great Oakenshield that slow at getting hints? He needed to get Thorin to understand he meant this seriously, not as some joke. He knew Thorin didn't see much in him, he knew Thorin didn't like him and had regretted bringing him on this quest from the start, but maybe if he told him this, he'd see him differently. At least, he hoped he wouldn't blame him with hard words, knowing Thorin had an expert hand in using them. If putting it bluntly didn't do it, Bilbo opted for the story-telling mode, hopefully the Durin dwarf would be able to understand _that_.

"When we first set out, your nephew was the first to talk to me, the first one to make me feel welcome, and for that I'm grateful towards him Thorin. But I think he'd been pushing himself too far." He bit his lip, uncomfortable with how to follow. _Here goes nothing. "_He looked out for me, from the start, always riding behind with me and keeping me company. I'm sorry if it felt like I was taking your nephew away from you, I didn't mean it like that, really, I was just so happy that I could talk to someone I guess. But then I noticed it became different, oh he was still nice to me, but he suddenly started by carrying packs and bags from my own pony, you know, saying that I would be more comfortable, not that I minded at all actually."_ If only I'd known_, Bilbo thought sadly.

"Then, it was meals. It was only a little at the start, but slowly I noticed how, when there wasn't enough for everyone, he'd always think of me first. He's also given me parts of his own rations already, refusing no for an answer on times too. I'd thought it was just extras, really, I hadn't realized it was _his_. And then, that night you sent me to bring him and Kili their bowls as they were watching the ponies, I remember the way he reacted. He just… lost control and knocked it over, he was scared stiff. I know he thinks I think he meant it as an accident, but I know now it wasn't. He was afraid, _terrified_! I've been trying to figure it out but I don't really know what Fili's been doing to himself, but Thorin, you need to talk to him! Please! If not for me, do it for him, for you! You're a family, please don't let this quest get the better of you!"

When Bilbo had started his rambling, Thorin had only wanted to shut him up, thinking the hobbit would only come up with complete nonsense. But as Bilbo kept on, and described his nephew's change in demeanor, he thought his blood had run cold, or even stopped. Sure he'd noticed Fili's odd behavior, but he'd never assimilated it to such a problem. Would his own nephew do this to himself? Deprive his own body of it's needs? Nonsense! A part of him argued that no, of course not, he wouldn't: this was calm and composed Fili we were talking about! But another part of him could see himself witnessing the scene his nephew had caused when Bilbo had given him the bowl of soup, before he'd ran off. Fili looking surprisingly small as he'd made his way to him. And then Fili falling behind when they'd been chased by the wargs. He'd thought it had only been because the lad hadn't had enough sleep, not because he was physically too weak to keep up with them. Knowing Fili he could well have been concealing some sort of wound he'd acquired, but Thorin would have expected a bruised knee not a bruised mind. _Oh god…_

As he put the pieces of the puzzle together, Thorin could see the truth behind Bilbo's words, no matter how harsh it seemed. The whole situation suddenly dawned on him, how could he have not seen this himself? How could he have left Fili like this without at least noticing?

He'd promised his sister before he left the Blue Mountains that he'd look out for her boys, his nephews, his own _kin_. Even though he cared deeply for each individual that formed the company, Kili and Fili were those whom he looked out for the most, his sister's sons held a place no one else ever could. What a great job he'd done at keeping his word, if he'd managed to let Fili sink this much, sink to the point that he wouldn't eat at all, that he felt the need to _starve_ himself.

And suddenly, he saw Bilbo in a different light. He wanted to blame it all on him. After all, it was probably because he'd been looking out for the hobbit that Fili had gotten into this state, if what Bilbo was saying was true. But he couldn't. The dwarf knew their burglar wanted to gain the dwarves friendship but was afraid of _him_, and he knew he'd have to have gathered quite a bit of courage to come and face him, especially about this and on his own. Bilbo may have been scared of many things, but he wasn't stupid. It couldn't be a lie. He wanted it to, but despite not being on very good terms with him he knew Bilbo was too honorable to lie, especially about Thorin's family. He wouldn't play on his feelings towards his nephews. Fili would have never come to talk about this to him, not on his own, and if Thorin hadn't seen this was what was plaguing his nephew, he doubted any of the others had, Kili not having had the slightest worry over his elder brother since they'd set out, because in his books, everything was going well. _Bilbo_ had seen though. The little hobbit he wanted to despise so much had come to him, alone, to warn him of the condition of his nephew, and Thorin suddenly didn't see him as the cowardly Halfling he kept wanting to see. Maybe Mister Baggins wasn't such a bad soul after all, if he gave him a chance.

Bilbo had expected Thorin to yell at him, to curse him for being the cause of Fili's problems, maybe strike him if he'd gotten into a really foul mood. He'd even expected to be sent back to Bag End, having to make his way home all on his own, without having a chance to say goodbye to the others. So when he felt a strong hand on his shoulder, not a threatening one, actually, it was almost friendly, and looked up to see Thorin smiling _–smiling!-_ at him, he'd been caught completely off guard.

"Thank you Master Burglar. I know I haven't been the nicest person to you, actually, I haven't been very thoughtful of any of you since this quest began. Yet, here you stand, alone, before me. I know you fear me, and I know you think I doubt you. Up till now, I did too. I see I was wrong now.

You're a courageous person, Mister Baggins, and I want to personally thank you, for how you could see to everyone in this company, when I could not. A fine burglar indeed. I would very much like it if we could be friends from now on…"

He didn't leave time for Bilbo to answer, but he hoped it would be enough to mend their relationship, and maybe even start anew, where they could both see in another a good companion, a _friend_ maybe. He strode out slowly, and once he reached the corridor, he allowed himself to panic. He needed to get to where Fili was, not wanting to leave him alone a minute longer...

Actually, all the blame he'd wanted to put on Bilbo hadn't exactly disappeared, Thorin had just changed the source he was currently directing it at, which was now himself. Although Fili might be mostly responsible for doing this to himself, nobody having forced him to inflict such a treatment on his body, Thorin knew he was equally to blame. Oh he'd made the promise to his dear sister to look after her boys, and he'd had all the intentions of keeping it when he swore to her that he'd bring both Kili and Fili back to her, healthy. It was just… Uncle Thorin had sort of disappeared as he made way for Thorin Oakenshield, King under the Mountain. The closer they were getting to Erebor, the more Thorin let the King take over the Uncle, and it had now reached the point that he'd managed to turn a blind eye to the suffering of his own family. Bless Bilbo for reminding him that Uncle Thorin was still needed here.

Thorin hated himself. He hated the way he'd just let the King supplant the Uncle, the way he hadn't seen any wrong in it happening. Hopefully he wasn't too late, hopefully his error hadn't cost him a price he wasn't willing to pay. Getting more and more anxious by the second, he urged himself to move faster, and the dwarf hurried through Lord Elrond's richly adorned galleries.

On a high cliff, leagues away from Thorin Oakenshield and his company, the terror known as the Pale Orc enraged at how his henchmen hadn't managed to catch the bothersome dwarf "king" or the bratty remains of his family, and warned them of what should befall of them should they fail again, before swiftly sending them on the company's tail which they'd been tracking for days now, desperate to see the end of the line of Durin. He'd suffered greatly because of that family, and promised that this _Thorin_ would see the two whelps he'd brought with him on this little adventure of his squeal as he'd torture and kill them slowly, while he'd relish in the heir to Erebor's anguished begging for mercy, before he'd kill him too, slowly and painfully of course. After all, it was only fair payment he was seeking, and the creature would make sure to deliver it as best he could.


	14. More Than A Few Scars

**I know Kili should probably be the first one to find out about Fili's problem, but I feel like being mean to him ;) And my soul is in serious need of more Thorin/Fili moments anyway... Because honestly, what did both get in the movies? (This might just be me and what I saw in the film though... If A/Ns are a bore to you, I suggest you skip to the chapter immediately! ^^)**

**In An Unexpected Journey, while Thorin was a bit more lighthearted, the only direct interaction they have is the quick smile Thorin gives as he enters Bilbo's home when he takes his coat off (and even at that, I think it's more aimed at Kili...) and Thorin scolding his nephews when they scare Bilbo with the orc stories around the fire. Even during the stone giant scene, when Fili is supposedly the one to be dead, crushed into the mountain side with Dwalin, Nori and Bofur, Thorin still screams Kili's name... Although I've read up that it was simply an error on 's part, because he kept mixing up Kili and Fili (but couldn't they have dubbed over it or something?).**

**In Desolation Of Smaug, there's nothing much, safe for the "I belong with my brother" scene, as Fili has more or less become Kili's sidekick/secondary character. Don't get me wrong, it's a great scene, where we can see that Fili's loyalty to his Uncle can't ever surpass the love he has for his brother, but it's the way Thorin just... leaves I guess (I know he'd already started falling to the Dragon Sickness by then, but he could at least _try _to sound a little more concerned. He does it for Kili with the hand on his head and the "You'll join us when you're healed", so why not Fili? And "because he's older is a bit of a silly excuse...)**

**And in Battle Of The Five Armies, they literally had nothing. The first interaction they have was Thorin throwing some red jewel at Fili once he gets back to Erebor with Kili Oin and Bofur, who had been left behind in Lake Town, and the heartbroken expression Fili has as he realizes his Uncle has fallen to the Dragon Sickness is just... sniff! Thorin also tries to force Fili into throwing Bilbo off the ramparts of Erebor later, probably scaring him more than anything else, even if he's still victim of the "Dragon Sickness". Once he gets back to his senses though, he orders Fili to take his brother to scout Ravenhill, and basically look out for Kili as they should keep low and not engage unless it was necessary. And the last interaction both have is Fili just begging Thorin to run, save himself, wile his Uncle is too shocked to do anything ,and that's it. Plus, Fili was _only_ killed so that Azog could get to Thorin, not because Fili himself was a threat to him. Azog had wanted Thorin, and knew that by killing his nephew he'd be able to cause him pain, I don't think Azog felt threatened by Fili at all (well safe for the fact that he was of Durin's line). Nobody was ever seen mourning him like Thorin and Kili either, I might add, although I'd like to think that Dwalin did... (And I've heard that there's at least a funeral planned for the extended edition?)**

**I never really felt any Uncle/nephew connection like Thorin had with Kili, and he never showed any reassuring gestures to Fili like he did to Kili (like the head thing they do when he comes back to his senses). I know we didn't need to actually see any display of affection to know that Thorin cared for both of his nephews, but it would have ben nice to show, and plus, the sister-son/uncle relationship was something important to Tolkien himself, as he used it again in Lord Of The Rings with Théoden/Eowyn/Eomer, and Théoden is clearly shown to care for both nephew/niece in the movies, so couldn't Thorin have at least been a little more affectionate to his elder sister-son too?**

**Anyway, despite all the talk, I still really enjoyed Battle Of The Five Armies, even if it literally broke my heart when both Thorin and Fili died (nope, Kili's death wasn't sad, sorry...) So to make up for all the lack of Uncle Thorin/Nephew Fili relationship I felt while watching the movies, I tried to make Thorin a little more caring towards his eldest nephew, he's got to love Fili at least as much as Kili right? (Although I did get that Kili was the favored of the two in the movies...)**

**Feww, this is getting too big for an A/N (sorry about that ^^). Big chapter here, so I suggest you sit down somewhere comfy and enjoy, and if you feel like it, you can even grab a nice bag of pop corn or a nice bowl of spaghetti for comfort.**

**Enjoy! :) **

Thorin walked through the endless corridors that composed Lord Elrond's palace, passing door after door, but never entering the rooms behind them. There was only one chamber he was looking for, and after much wandering about, he finally came to the door behind which they'd all be sleeping tonight.

He stopped for a minute, wanting to go in and trying to recompose himself at the same time. He knew his eldest nephew was in there, on his own, while the others were busy making the most of the feast Elrond had offered them, and he needed to talk to him. But what on earth was he going to say? He couldn't be angry, that was certain. If he lost his temper, who knew how Fili would react? Knowing his nephew's quiet nature, he'd probably retract even more into himself, and Thorin knew it wouldn't help at all.

He didn't want to open the door, he didn't want Bilbo's words to be true, yet he couldn't deny them either. Why would the hobbit lie? More importantly, why would Fili _do_ something like this? And why would he not tell Thorin if he'd been feeling like that? Deep down, the dwarf leader knew it was because he'd been pushing his nephew, well all of his companions, too much, and his actions now had consequences too. He hoped he wasn't too late to try and mend what he'd done, he hoped he could fix Fili up, but a nagging little voice kept telling him that he was already too late. _No!_ He wouldn't allow his nephew to waste away like this.

Taking a deep breath, he pushed the door handle, and stepped into the room.

It took a while for his eyes to adjust to the darkness and a few more minutes for him to be able to distinguish anything much. The faint moonlight pouring through the window however shone in, casting a dim light on the little bed in the corner of the room, among all the others, and Thorin thought he could see a small figure, slightly rising and falling on top of it. Fili no doubt.

He made his way to the small bunk, and indeed, his nephew was soundly sleeping on top of it, curled up on himself. With his head resting on his left arm and his hair sprawled around him, Thorin couldn't remember seeing the blond looking this peaceful in a long while.

He looked exhausted, to put it mildly. Indeed, Fili didn't even stir at his uncle's approach, he who was among the lightest sleepers of the company. It set Thorin's alarm bells off, and he immediately knew something was wrong with him, he could no longer deny the truth behind Bilbo's words.

The dwarf king sat down on the side of the bed, after shifting the lad's coat and numerous weapons aside, deciding he could spare some time to talk with Fili once he woke up, and that even if that wasn't for hours, he could still stay by his side as he slept. He didn't want to leave him alone, he'd done it too much already.

"How could I have not seen this?" he whispered, as he gently laid his hand on his nephew's side, trying to give him some sense of comfort in his sleep-

-only to draw it away just as quickly, as if he'd been scorched by melting gold from the great halls of Erebor itself. _I really don't know what Fili's been doing to himself _Bilbo had said_._ Well Thorin certainly did now. His eyes widened, as he backed away and he shook his head in denial. He didn't want to think of it, didn't want to believe it, he didn't want to acknowledge that he'd just felt _bones, _way too many bones as a matter of fact.

What in Durin's name had he done to his nephew?

He didn't want to do it, but he did all the same. Thorin brought a shaking hand back to the hem of Fili's tunic, and slowly pealed it back up, careful as to not wake him but the lad didn't even stir, a clear statement of just how drained he was. Eyeing the state of the body beneath the clothes, Thorin thought he was going to be sick. His nephew just looked like a _child_, when he was supposed to be nearly an adult. He looked _small, fragile, _not anything of the warrior was supposed to embody. He'd thought he was ready to come with him, that both Kili and Fili were strong young lads. Kili was, anyway, but Fili… He turned his head away, no longer being able to bear the sight of sickly skin stretched over bones.

Bilbo had been right to send him immediately. Thorin could see for himself what giving his meals to the hobbit had done to Fili. How it had made him shrink. How long had it been since Fili himself had eaten a _proper meal_? How long had it been since he'd eaten _at all_? More importantly, how could he, Thorin, as an uncle and family member, have not even seen this before now? Fili wasn't dead, but the state he was in was definitely not a comforting one.

He drew back as he realized just how much his obsession over Erebor had cost him. Thanks to Bilbo, he just may be able to save Fili from whatever was going on in his head, but his nephew would never have fallen so far if Thorin hadn't entrusted him with so much. Since they'd left the Shire, the dwarf had seen in his nephew only an heir, someone who would someday sit on the throne of Erebor, and he'd only regarded him as such. A part of him seemed to have totally forgotten that Fili was also his nephew, a member of his _family_, and that he should have also treated the blonde in those circumstances too.

He hoped, he even prayed the great Mahal, that he wasn't too late, that he could still change what he'd done, that he could still help his eldest sister's son. Thorin knew he'd never forgive himself should the blonde have fallen too far already. And to admit that Bilbo had seen this when he had not…

"Oh, Fili… What have I done?" he whispered brokenly. He didn't cry, Thorin wouldn't allow himself to, but his own walls were crumbling. He'd never thought their quest would take such a drastic turn, and this was only the start. How was he going to be able to help? And how was he going to tell the others, Kili especially?

His nephew didn't leave him the time he needed to gather his thoughts however, as Thorin felt him twitch under the hand he'd put back on his stomach, which he drew away immediately, before he shot up, as if he'd had some kind of nightmare. Looking into his eyes however, Fili seemed slightly more rested, albeit a little confused as to why his uncle was here with him, instead of with the others.

"Uncle?" he asked, almost shyly, trying to figure out what could possibly have brought Thorin Oakenshield here as he rubbed the excess of sleep out of his eyes.

Thorin sighed, there was no escaping this now, but he still decided to approach the subject carefully.

"How are you feeling? Bilbo told me you'd gone straight to find a bed when we arrived." He talked gently, trying not to convey the fear he was trying to suppress.

"I'm fine Uncle, although still a little tired. You really need to stop worrying." He added, chuckling softly. Fili couldn't deny he'd felt literally drained when they'd arrived in Rivendell, and while all the others had gone off for dinner, he'd just desperately been looking for a bed to collapse on, eating being probably the last thing on his mind. He must have slept a while, judging how the moon had already risen high in the sky outside.

"I'm glad to hear that lad, I need everyone to be well rested before we set off tomorrow. Balin's been discussing the possible routes we could use, and the rest of the company have had quite the night too, I actually believe they're still at the dinner table- Which reminds me, Bilbo told me he didn't see you with them, wondered where you might have strolled off to, said he'd appreciate it if you could join him…" his Uncle started slowly, but immediately saw the change in Fili's face, the way his eyes widened, if only a little. "Do you want to go down with the others? Are you hungry?" he tried. Thorin wanted to hear _Yes_ as an answer, he wanted his nephew to be aware of how he was slowly wasting away and try to do something, but when he saw the boy's reaction, as he tried to hide his fears away, he saw how he was trying to fool him and he sighed, defeated.

"No." The lie was short, small, no more than a whisper, yet it hurt him to see his nephew do this to himself, the way he felt Fili _needed_ to do this to himself, convincing himself that he needn't bother with food, when his physical state clearly suggested otherwise.

And then what? What was he supposed to answer? He couldn't start an argument, Fili wouldn't be able for it and his use of words wasn't near as good as Bilbo's, he'd only cause more harm than good were he to try and argue. But he had to make him understand that by doing this to himself, his nephew was also unwillingly hurting those around him, who could only watch as he refused their help.

"I know, Fili." It was short, three words, but he didn't know how to say it otherwise. Thorin wasn't going to cloud the issue, he wasn't going to lie and say that everything was okay, because it most certainly wasn't, but he wasn't about to condemn his nephew for his actions either. Fili had slipped, it was up to him and the others now to make sure that he wouldn't fall any further, and try to get him back on tracks. "Bilbo told me." _Bless the hobbit._

Fili didn't answer, he couldn't find the words. He hung his head as he processed the fact that his uncle now _knew_. Thorin was going to kill him, he was sure of it.

Ever since he'd refused to eat, or at least eat the bare minimum, some part of him had known it was wrong, well at the start at least, but that had been oh so many months ago, when he'd still been living with Kili and his mother and father. Gradually, he'd actually gotten desperately dependant on the fact however, needing the reassurance of knowing he still controlled something in his life, Fili had felt the need to be in charge of himself back then. It had changed slightly, after he'd accepted his Uncle's offer, of going to reclaim Erebor at his side. When they'd met Bilbo it had become somewhat different, that night when they held the meeting in the hobbit's home. It felt like _stealing _and he no longer_ could _eat, he couldn't bear the guilt_._ And he saw the others have a good time with the dinner and the ale, yet each time he brought anything to his mouth, the only word echoing in his ears had been _thief!_ _Think of Bilbo, he needs this more than you!_ It only became worse on the journey itself…

"Why, Fili?" Thorin asked, he wanted to know, and hated how his voice sounded weak. He was concerned for the well being of his heir. Besides, _something_ must have happened to his nephew to make him like this. He didn't care about what he was like now, well no he did, but maybe if Fili knew the origin of his fears or the reasoning the blonde had behind his actions, they may be able figure out a way to help him.

"I…I don't know" At least it was kind of an honest answer, because Fili really didn't know why he'd let himself sink this low, probably not even realizing the extent of the damage he'd been doing to himself until now. "I guess I took it to far, when I looked out for Bilbo, but I really didn't want him to feel he'd be missing any of the comfort of his own home. We're the ones who made him come along with us, but I didn't see many of us trying to make sure he was okay, so I guess I just took up the task, and might have pushed myself aside at the same time…" Admitting the reasoning behind what he'd done didn't help Fili much though. Of course, he'd taken up the job of looking out for Bilbo, and as the days rolled on, he'd found himself increasingly liking the hobbit, and _wanting_ to look out for him. It might have given his uncle some kind of logic behind his actions, but he still held a fear of eating, and he didn't know how he was going to face that without the whole company knowing about it, especially Kili. He didn't want the others to know, he was afraid of what they'd think of him. Oh! But speaking of Bilbo…. "But please don't blame him Uncle! It's not Bilbo's fault! He's been extremely nice to everyone, please, please, please don't send him back!" He didn't think he'd be able to bare it should his Uncle take it out on the hobbit, who had been nothing but kind and patient with them all. His actions were his own, Fili was the one who had chosen to skip all those meals, Bilbo hadn't forced him in any way! If there was someone to blame, it was the blonde, not their burglar.

Of course Thorin wasn't going to send the hobbit back, it was thanks to him that he had come of knowledge of the problem in the first place. If it wasn't for Bilbo, how long would the dwarf have left his kin like this, how long would it have taken him to take his eyes off the quest to see that his nephew needed help? That he was silently _screaming_ for someone to save him from himself? He felt horrible for letting his obsession of gold and lost kingdoms overrule the concern he should have felt for his own family, he'd promised himself to look out for them before they joined him. But, as memories came flooding back, he still had one question.

"And what about before?" Thorin remembered the day he'd been to the Blue Mountains, when he'd talked to his sister's husband about bringing Kili and Fili with him. He remembered Kili's birthday. And he also remembered how odd it had seemed that Kili was fitter than his older brother, by only a few years maybe but still older, who almost looked scrawny next to him. He hadn't given it much attention back then, it hadn't made sense to him to do so either, but it did now: Fili had already developed this fear of his prior to coming along. Had he known, he would have made him stay behind! But what could he do now? How were they going to help his nephew while looking for a way to enter Erebor? This wasn't something that would heal in a few weeks…

The question had caught Fili off guard. True, he'd already been afraid of eating when his uncle had come for Kili's name day, but he hadn't thought he'd noticed. To him it had just been a way to deal with the pressure he felt as an heir. At the time he'd felt like he'd lost all control over his life, and he'd hated that feeling of everything slipping through his hands, so Fili had decided to at least be in charge of one thing, even if it was only his meals.

Besides, Kili had always been everyone's favorite, so who would mind, really? Despite how much it hurt at times, especially when their father would give praises to the younger when he'd only have hard words for Fili, he never resented his brother for it, he'd never be able to bring himself to do such a thing. He loved Kili dearly, as an older brother should, and he kept his yearning for affection to himself, knowing that, as a prince, he couldn't go around begging to hear nice words from everyone, his father would not stand for it. But sometimes, it still really hurt…

And as Fili slowly felt how he was such a disappointment, despite trying his best, he felt like he'd been losing control over his life, little by little, and he absolutely hated the feeling. He needed to be able to control _something_, and if it couldn't be the way his family perceived him, he guessed he could always control his meals… It sounded silly, really, but it had helped Fili get through, and he'd found some kind of solace in knowing he was master of something. And as he kept on relying on this need of control, it went from skipping one meal to two or three, realizing he could still get through with it without Mother suspecting anything, until the blonde had become completely dependent on the action, until it had seemed normal to Fili to barely eat at all.

"I… I… I don't know, Uncle. I can't remember exactly when it started." He hesitated for a few moments, unsure if he could allow himself to say all this to his Uncle, but Fili _needed_ to let it out, he couldn't keep it in anymore, not after all these years. "It's just, Father was never happy with wh-what I did, he was always saying I'd never be a-able to do anything correctly. A-And he was right, I-I can't! F-Father was right when he was punishing me! I'm s-sorry Uncle! I-"

"Father? What's this about, Fili?" Thorin cut off the tumble of words his nephew was spilling. He needed to know the reasons he'd had behind this entire skipping meals story. And now he knew. He was willing to bet that while Fili had looked out for Bilbo because the hobbit had grown on him, it hadn't been the only reason. Thorin was willing to bet that his sister's husband, while not completely liable for his son's actions, had some amount of responsibility in it, even if he hadn't been the one to make Fili do this to himself. He'd always known of the strained relationship between his eldest nephew and his father, he'd seen them argue, even seen his sister's husband give an occasional slap, but he'd never thought it had gone any further. His brother-in-law had always been extremely welcoming whenever he dropped by and both had always gotten on extremely well. Obviously, he'd been wrong in his assumptions. Fili had _a lot_ more he wasn't telling him, and Thorin needed to know. He didn't _want_ to, but knew he _had_ to, knowing it was probably the main explanation behind Fili's actions.

"What did he do, Fili?" he asked again, more urgently this time, after Fili didn't answer him. His Uncle tried not to sound threatening, he tried not to be forcing answers out of the lad, but if his sister's husband was somehow involved in this, Thorin needed to know.

Fili was frozen, he'd let the word slip! He couldn't do anything right, could he?! Despite how he hated himself for not being able to love his Father as much as Kili did, knowing he was a figure he knew he should care for and aspire to become, he knew he'd hate himself even more if he lied to Uncle now, who would see right through him anyway. He knew it was wrong to love Uncle more than Father, but he couldn't bear the idea of Uncle being disappointed in him, he'd always needed Thorin's approval, knowing he wouldn't ever get it anywhere else. It was hard, but Fili opened his mouth anyway.

"F-Father w-would… H-He… W-When he was tired, o-or angry… He… H… I c-can't Uncle. Please, please don't m-make me." Despite starting off well, Fili couldn't bring himself to let all this out, he couldn't speak about it and shuddered involuntarily. The memories were hard enough, and he knew those would never go away, no matter how badly he wanted them to disappear. If he did let it all slip through, he knew his Uncle would get into a fight once they made it back to the Blue Mountains. It would end the brotherhood he'd forged with his sister's husband, it would probably even break the relationship Thorin had with Mother, maybe even destroy the relationship Kili had with their father, and Fili didn't want to do that to his brother, Kili never had to know what had been done to him, Kili needed a father he could trust and count on and Uncle needed to keep Father as a friend, like they'd always been.

He'd never been sure why his Father had never liked him, but by the sad look in his Mother's eyes, and the cold distance Thorin would sometimes adopt, he'd guessed it was because of his resemblance to his deceased Uncle Frerin. Neither he nor Kili had ever known him, but both his Father and Thorin had only spoken fondly of the missing family member and Fili had always been told he was the splitting image of the long since departed uncle, and uncle Father had always been particularly close to.

Although he never should have, Fili had listened in on conversations his Mother would have with his Uncle Thorin, and the pain both would have in their voices when they spoke of their lost brother, it hurt. Even his father's features would cloud over when either he or Kili would ask about him, even if they were only innocent questions. The only thing Fili had ever managed to learn was that he looked like his Mother's brother, and if he was a constant reminder of his Father's failings to save said brother, it was bound to take some effect on him, it was the only explanation he could find to his Father's coldness towards him.

Maybe, Fili thought, his Father hated the fact that he was constantly reminded of his failures towards his wife's brother, maybe he only saw in Fili some ghost, only there to make him feel remorse when he just wanted to move on with his life, and the daily presence of his son probably only fueled some form of anger, anger at being taunted in such a way. And while he'd never fully understood his Father's actions, he wouldn't dare speak of them to anybody, if said actions were only caused by grief and not resentment. His Father only hated what Fili reminded him of, not Fili himself, but separating the two must have been too difficult, especially after all the pain he'd already endured in his life. Fili never really knew the feelings his Father would have behind the anger, but he wouldn't allow himself to draw conclusions, he wouldn't allow himself to draw an unkind picture. His Father, while harboring some form of resentment towards him, had never raised a hand on Kili, and if his brother had grown up a happy child, Fili wouldn't ask for more.

Father had always made sure not to have Mother know, generally he was calm enough when she was at home, and she seemed to have a soothing effect on him. Both loved each other deeply, it was clear to anyone, they had full trust and knew they could count on one another, there really was no bond they could have that was any stronger. Mother would probably think Father incapable of what he'd done over the past years, when he let his anger get the better of him, and Fili had always known Mother _needed_ Father, she needed Father to move on, to be happy, and so speaking up would only shatter their bond, it would break the family, and Fili did not want to be the cause of such a thing. Both Kili and Mother needed Father, _Uncle_ _Thorin_ needed Father, and even Fili himself admitted that he needed Father too sometimes, just the reassurance that he was there, that he could provide for Kili and Mother, Fili needed to know Father was there so as to be sure that Mother and Kili were loved and cared for.

No, speaking up had never been an option. And yet he'd done it, he'd done it because he couldn't even control himself anymore. Fili cursed his stupid mouth for letting the words slip, words he had never meant to let slip at all.

Thorin wasn't sure how to proceed. He needed to know, obviously his sister's husband was involved in the condition his nephew was in, but Fili was refusing to say anything. Why the lad was defending his father however, he couldn't understand. His brother-in-law obviously had a large part to play in this.

"Please Fili, I won't let it slip to anyone else, not even Balin or your mother, not even your brother, I promise. It's just between you and me." He was rubbing circles on the blonde's back, trying to coax him into letting it out. Thorin wished he could understand what had happened so that he may be able to find a solution, but if Fili never spoke up, he'd never be able to help him.

There was a complete silence in the room, in which none made the slightest sound. Thorin kept his nephew's head on his shoulder, as he wrapped one of his arms around the blonde's back, hoping it just might make him feel more at ease, more secure to speak. Fili hadn't anything to fear of him, Thorin would never wish harm upon his family, not even his sister's husband, although he was starting to have second thoughts there. He'd half expected Fili to remain silent, when he thought he heard the faintest sounds just beneath him.

"Father hates me, he always has. Even if I-I understand w-why…" It was barely above a whisper, but it was there, and Thorin didn't dare interrupt, knowing that if he did, Fili would never speak of this again. "H-He'd hit a-and w-wouldn't stop, saying that I w-was taunting his m-mind, t-that I shouldn't be there anymore a-and that he j-just wanted to move on. A-and then, he'd cover it up, saying that I fell, t-that I wasn't being careful in training. H-He said that I ought to keep quiet i-if I didn't want any more, g-ghosts aren't supposed to s-speak…

W-When we were alone…" Thorin thought he heard him choke, and could feel him shaking badly. He couldn't even begin to process all this, his sister's husband would _do_ such a thing? His brother-in-law had always come off as a decent person, he'd even been the one in whom he could confide things he couldn't even tell his own sister! He confided more sacred things to a dwarf he'd come to know by marriage than in his own blood… Maybe he was the elder of the two, but Fili was still a child, and forcing this on him for Mahal knew what was uncalled for! He gripped Fili's skinny frame tighter, knowing there was still more to the story.

"W-When it was just the two of us, Father would go m-mad sometimes…" At this, Thorin heard an audible sob. He could feel his teeth clench, and had a sudden urge to just break something, but Fili's bony shoulders beneath his hands reminded him why he was here in the first place, and he tried letting out even breaths, so as to calm down.

"H-He wanted it all to just d-disappear, he'd even lash out …" Thorin's blood ran cold then and he stopped the circular motion his hand had been doing on his nephew's back, _why _would Fili deserve such treatment? Just imagining it was making him ill, and knowing his nephew had lived with it for years without ever saying anything…

"H-He liked l-leaving marks, s-saying pain was n-necessary… "At this, Fili buried his head into his Uncle's shoulder as deep as he could, overcome by shame. Shame for the streaks and gashes that were still there and shame for the fact he'd never done enough to stop them.

He'd been hiding those memories for years, but letting it all out now, one at a time, they were all coming back. His Father's intimidating frame, shouting again and again, repeating the same words and not stopping, pushing him into a corner as he'd be relieving this battle or that one. Being sent out in the evenings to fetch whatever Father needed, and be sent off to bed once he came home, on an empty growling stomach, Father saying it wasn't any use asking gifts from life, one should learn the hard way, like he had. Training sessions, with weapons that were too heavy, collecting bruise after bruise, but Father would say that if he didn't train enough, he'd only meet an early death, like Uncle Frerin. Cuts he would get that Father would refuse to treat, saying he should man up and not dare let a word slip to Mother or Uncle Thorin, a grown-up knew how to look out for himself, it was expected of any dwarf that wanted to someday wield weapons…

"B-But please, don't be mad at him Uncle." Fili knew that, to Thorin, he must sound as if he'd lost his mind, but he had to explain. Despite everything, some part of him couldn't bear to send his father away, as pathetic as it sounded, he still needed him."I-I think I understand _why_ Father acted the way he did. It-It was his way of dealing with Uncle Frerin's death, h-he never meant any harm really. H-He's just lost, h-he doesn't know how to move on, a-and as I keep reminding him of Uncle, it-it's very hard on him… Please don't fight over it!" he begged. He really didn't want to break the close bond Thorin had with Father over past actions. What had been done… Nothing would change that, but if Thorin hung on to such grudges, it would tear the family apart, and Fili knew his Uncle wouldn't be able to move on without his family.

Thorin didn't know what to say. He felt _betrayed_ by his brother-in-law, only now learning the extent of his actions. A part of him still wished to remain on good terms with the dwarf, even Fili was begging him to cling to it, but he couldn't let this pass. Sure he'd noticed some of the bruises Fili would occasionally have, but he never thought any more of it. Obviously his Sister must have been the same, probably feeling she could trust her husband with everything, which had never been wrong to do, of course it hadn't! His sister had very little blame in this, she _couldn't_ have known. He knew his sister too well, she could smell something wrong yards away. But the distance she'd put between herself and her eldest son after Frerin's death probably made it clear, if she couldn't bear to even look at Fili because of the pain it would cause her, then she'd probably had very little interaction with the lad ever since.

Fili had kept quiet to avoid any further problems in the family. It explained why he'd never really been the talkative one of the brothers, Thorin concluded. And while he could understand the extent of the actions a little better, the Uncle knew he had to try and make things better. While his brother-in-law was not something he could deal with right now, his nephew was, he needed to pull Fili out of what he'd been doing to himself. Although he could now understand the actions a little better, it didn't mean that he felt relieved by it.

Fili looked back up at Thorin, desperate to make him understand: he wanted _out_ of this, he didn't want to be afraid at meals anymore, but something inside him kept stopping him, and Fili couldn't bring himself to eat. While it had started with his Father's mislead actions or words, he wasn't to blame for it all, as he'd been victim of unfortunate circumstances above all else, Mother was the same. Fili tried recalling a particular event or precise wordsthat could have made him fall into this state, but couldn't, it had been gradual, only a little at first, but the fears grew and grew, slowly trapping him.

"I'm sorry Uncle, I know it was wrong, but…" He looked away, unsure of what to say, and too ashamed to meet his king's eyes.

Thorin wouldn't have it though, and before Fili could protest, he gathered him in his arms and held him close, resting his chin on his blonde hair. Despite how he hated feeling more bones than anything else under his hands, he was content that Fili had at least spoken up, that he accepted there was a problem there, and that he seemed to at least _want_ to do something about it, he knew Fili regretted his tongue slipping, but Thorin was glad (well relatively) that he now knew why Fili had refused to eat. Like Balin said, it was going to be hard recovering, on him, on Fili, probably even on the others, but they'd work together, and he'd pull his nephew through this.

He stopped as he felt quiet sobbing against his chest, and looked down to see that Fili was indeed crying. He hadn't wanted this when they'd started talking, but maybe if his nephew let it all out now, it would help him recover. Not caring whether they were being looked at or not, he held onto Fili a little tighter, bringing him closer and allowing him to freely cry into him, but careful not to hurt him. If Thorin Oakenshield would not stand for crying heirs, Uncle Thorin could certainly spare a few words for his family, and he did.

"It'll get better Fili, you'll see…" And both sat there on the bed, Thorin trying to ease the cries of his nephew, once again grateful for Bilbo's keen eyesight and Fili, thankeful beyond measure for the support his Uncle was so kindly offering him.


End file.
